Saturday, July 30, 2011
Relationship are hyper-complex things. Things that take time and energy to grow and cultivate. Much like the garden back at home (I have Roma tomatoes the size of my fist now), it's a long and tasking process and one that feels that there is very little reward. I think this is what this post is really about. Slow mornings and nights were everyone is awake.
For those that don't actually know. I am courting a young man, Josh and have been courting (note this man started busting out laughing when I use that word) for about three months. Our relationship has been a tentative leap into the unknown. For me it's a chance to "get back on the saddle" for him it's about being in something foreign. Over all it's been an interesting adventure in a relationship with aspies.
We both have AS, my symptoms are more obvious and harder to manage, his on the other hand are not as obvious and he can manage them much easier than I can. Because of this it makes communication a bit....interesting.
Him: *says something vague*
Me: *misunderstands gets upset*
Him: *reiterates confuse*
Me: *gets more angry*
Him: *explains makes a little more sense*
Me: *catches it and apologizes*
Him: *says sorry too clears up misunderstanding*
This doesn't always happen but we tend to have some communication bumps and some things get lost in translation. It happens because I misread something and he does too so signals get cross. However we seem to connect better than any of my last suitors. I don't feel guilty for misunderstanding. Problems are solved and forgot life goes on. Maybe it's because it's my fifth relationship and his first (man 26 btw he was not ready to court folks until now) that we're getting along so well. Maybe it's because we're both aspies.
I think this is the part where I get to the point of the matter. Many aspies assume that relationships with other aspies is easier that NT/Autie relationships and to some degree. Yes. It's easier to relate to someone that shares your perspective a bit. Someone that can get your quirks better. But discounting an NT suitor because he is "NT" and because the relationship would be harder is just as bad for NT to say a relationship with an autist is "too hard".
Perhaps I am counting my chickens before they hatch here. But, for the first time, I don't feel like I have to play mind-games with my spouse to understand him. Or apologize for being aspie.
Which seems to be what it comes down too in NT/Aspie relationships.
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Tikaani fic that is set in the original universe
Characters: Ocs (Tikaani and his family) Aang
Warning: (MUST HAVE SOME KNOWELGE OF THE SHOW)
Summary: What if Tikaani could bend? Would bending be his language?
AN: I was inspired by a bending/sign language fic (which is amazing) Tikaani is my semi-verbal autistic OC, he's normally a non-bender, but what if he could bend?
She had no idea what she was doing, it was honestly a irrational decision to adopt her sister's son. Tikaani was almost twenty months old, and screamed for most of the day. He slammed his head on the walls of his house. Would break things meaninglessly, spin in circles and when he was silent he would stare. For hours. Agna called him a monster, Tigtuk called him a failure. Hanai called him her nephew and instead of drowning him, she adopted the delayed but beautiful boy and hope with time and patience he will speak and speak well.
love, love is a verb
Maka was not ready to raise his nephew. He was nervous around the confusing young boy, who seem impossible to toilet train and feed and even hold. He didn't want to be held for some reason. That confused Maka. He loved cuddling with all of his children but only Tikaani would shriek and shove him away. Tikaani wouldn't even look him in the eye, but at the window or at the floor. It was starting to wear on Maka and Amana, Hanai's brother. They saw Tikaani, and saw only a shell of human being. Wordless, and hollow. Maka silently agreed, that Tigtuk should have drowned him. There was no hope for this one.
Then Tikaani at age three, spoke.
Not with verbal speech, but with an older, more liquid tongue. Tikaani had his hands waving about him one evening. Flapping incessantly as Hanai and her son, Rahmet made dinner. The eight year old turn his head to the sound of ice cracking. He heard his cousin laugh and jerked his head around to see his nephew bending crack into the ice walls.
“MAMA! Tikaani...is bending!” said an astonished Rahmet. Hanai dropped her uluu and ran to the toddler giggling in the corner. It never occurred to Hanai that Tikaani could be a bender like Rahmet, Amana and Maka. It seemed to be an uncommon trait in her family, Tigtuk wasn't a bender neither was Agna. Yet Tikaani inherited the words of ocean and moon, it was peculiar. Very peculiar.
“Whoa! Check out what Tikaani did mom! He made rings with his bending. That's so cool!” Rahmet said with a half-quirked grin. Hanai was busy giving Tikaani a toy to play with. Keeping those hands of his busy. She looked over her shoulder and saw what Tikaani bent. Rings. All interconnected. Like a strange chain. It was in neat tight rows, but Tikaani bent circular cracks, in strange patterns. It was bizarre and almost scary. She had to talk to Maka. She had no idea what this would mean for them. Tikaani couldn't talk, but he could bend, and bend in an odd way.
At age five Tikaani's bizarre language began to form with his bending. If he wanted to say “I want” he would try use bending to get it. Because of his lack of body awareness, his bending was lopsided and off. Maka helped him refine it and Amana encouraged him.
“Do you want the cookie Tikaani?” asked Maka as he sat in front of him. Hanai was holding him using a shallow dish of water as his resource. “Can you bend me 'yes'?” he prompted holding out the sweet rice biscuit. Tikaani moaned and tried to wriggle out. Maka prompted him again trying to remain patient, but after the third week of “supported bending” it was getting very clear that it wasn't working. Hanai was getting worried if Tikaani didn't learn to control his bending. It could end up destroying him...and them.
“C'mon Tikaani, bend 'yes' for me. Use that gift you have.” Maka coaxed. Tikaani tried to get free. Just as Maka was going to get up and tell Hanai to let him go. Tikaani screamed and used a tendril of water to whip the cookie out Maka's hand. “OW! Goddamn it!” he snapped as the cookie laid on the ice in half. Quickly Tikaani used another water tendril to grab the cookie halves and bring them to him. Not a second was spared as he ate his treat. Maka looked astounded, but amused. His nephew clearly said: “GIVE ME THE DAMN COOKIE!”
Excellent words, I can hear them now...
Tikaani was steadily improving. Constant intensive bending plus using bending as form of adaptive language was a unique solution to being non-verbal. Which was a reality that was starting to crash into the rest of the family. Elang, Hanai's eldest was almost non existent at home. He never told the other buffalo-yak riders about Tikaani, neither did Qannit, who spent most of her time with the other seamstresses. The siblings never spoke a word about their cousin, he became something like a family secret, and a family blessing.
Amana observed Tikaani as Hanai and Maka worked with their nephew. He was trying to communicate not bend. For verbal benders, bending was just a means to a complete a task or win a fight. It was a language that many benders spoke but not communicated with. When Tikaani bent it wasn't because he wanted to fight, or make the water move, but because he need to say something. Which is why his bending was different than children his age. He had trouble learning the simple “push-pull” that small toddlers could learn, but he could make water tendrils to point and grab things. He was more skilled with his hands, but his foot work was clearly haphazard. He needed refinement and formal schooling. Yet Hanai objected,
“He isn't ready for school.” said Hanai as Maka lifted Tikaani's hands and made him move in the right order to do a bending pose. It was facilitated bending, but it was teaching his muscles how to move. Amana watched as Maka made Tikaani do the poses over and over. He pulled away and Tikaani repeated the pose on his own.
“Niiiice work Tikaani!” Maka praised lifting water up and turning it into snow to sprinkle down on to Tikaani. The boy laughed and did the same thing, causing Amana's jaw to drop a bit. He couldn't make snow until he was almost 13, it took a lot of control, but he could do it easily. Tikaani toss the water back up again and made snow over and over.
“Ok now he is just parroting, but he obviously over joyed. Look, Tikaani needs a private tutor not a formal school. Pakku would just belittle him and not give him a chance. We need someone to teach him one on one, and we can do that.” she explained as the did the pose again. It was a step and sweeping motion to create waves. It was the push-pull but executed in a manner that made sense to Tikaani. If Amana would think on it, it was like telling Tikaani to do something but breaking the sentence down so he can process it better. The bending conversation could be explained like this: First you must do this, Then you can do this It was breaking the bending down into less complicated poses and then slowly stringing them together into a full 'sentence'. They did it slowly so Tikaani could understand. After he got the hang of it, he can tweak the sentence into any way he wants. So it would be more efficient, but he had to understand the formal “phrase” before he can make it “slang-y” After watching this for a while Amana could understand how Tikaani communicated and how Maka taught him how to bend. A conversation could be like this:
Maka would bend a wave to him, How are you today? Tikaani would redirect the wave back to him remember how to push the water back. I am good, then Maka would turn a circle lifting the wave of water into a fluid stream and send it to Tikaani That's nice to know, we might go fishing today would you like that? Maka would say, flowing the stream to Tikaani, sometimes Tikaani would drop it and would “repeat” a bending phrase over and over if he is confused, but today. I would like that uncle, just us? he responded by taking the stream of water and turning around with it before sending it back to him on the ice in a wave. Maka lifted it back up and turned into a fine snow to sprinkle down on Tikaani, a big grin was on his face. Maka just responded. Yeah...just us kiddo
At age seven, Tikaani was catching up, not developmentally...but as a bender. He still wasn't fully toilet trained, he couldn't be left alone, but he could use bending to trip up Maka in battle. Hanai smiled fondly as Tikaani could keep up and almost out bend Rahmet. It was starting to become apparent that Tikaani skill was vastly improving only because he was non-verbal if he was verbal, he probably wouldn't be so dependent on using bending to communicate and thus, would probably still be a beginner bender.
Yet, because of that need. Tikaani was using his bending to say everything he couldn't say. Words...that flow over Rahmet's head. Tikaani was far more fluent than Rahmet could ever be at his age.
There was very deep silence in Maka's house. Tikaani's bending skill at age ten was made fully clear when he had a severe meltdown. Maka nursed a black eye and Amana sat with a bandaged arm. Tikaani ran off again, and while trying to drag him back him he unleashed a volley of insults. Half words and babbling in the form of ice daggers and melting the ice underneath them. As he writhed and tantrumed on the ice. Maka had to keep his balance, his nephew's meltdown was causing massive gashes in the ice around them, threatening them all.
After finally getting him home, they sat in silence thinking what to do about Tikaani. His bending was incredible, but he was a risk to himself and to his family if he couldn't control his meltdowns. Hanai watched as Tikaani talked to himself, making rings in the ice again. His soothing babbling was keeping him from lashing out in anger. She had to ask.
“Why did he get so angry at you, normally when he runs off he comes back just fine?” the question lingered like a putrid odor. Then Maka spoke.
“Tikaani ran away not because he saw something or heard something...he ran because we told him his father wanted custody back.”
The custody battle between Tigtuk and Maka was long and bloody. The city elders tried to moderate the feud, but there was so much tense emotion that it was getting to the point that Arnook needed to make a choice for the family. Meanwhile Tikaani was training with Pakku who decided to tutor Tikaani in private.
Pakku heard rumors of the “idiot savant”, years ago when Rahmet bragged about his non-verbal cousin and his amazing bending skills. Pakku watched him a few times with Amana. He had to admit Tikaani had a lot of potential, more than that. Tikaani had a window into a world he was ill adapted for. Feeling strings of philanthropy, Pakku decided to play therapist and sifu for Tikaani who was caught in this bloody custody war.
Pakku was sparing with the almost eleven year old child. Tikaani was still delayed in some areas, but caught up in others. He was toilet trained, and could feed himself and clothe himself without help. But still needed to be supervised and his aggression was starting be more frequent. Yet he was reaching masterhood in a fast pace. Savant indeed.
Pakku swerved a wave of water at Tikaani as he repelled it back with shards of ice, eyes focused and in thought.
Who do you want to live with Tikaani? Hanai or Tigtuk? asked Pakku as he continue to send waves of water at the boy.
Hanai of course, she loves me, but honestly I'm just a tool for them all. The only reason they didn't kill me as a child was because I could bend. The only reason my father wants me back, is because I am just fucking weapon Tikaani reply was full of vitriol and pain, sending the waves back in massive surges of ice which Pakku could block easily his calming words trying to soothe Tikaani.
I know you feel used, but I think you should tell the elders who you want to live with. I know you can communicate that to them, but you must not let anger be your voice. The waves were smaller as they lifted Tikaani up on a pedestal. Tikaani responded by melting it and turning the ice into a globe to cover himself up. Sealing himself from Pakku.
They won't listen to me! They just see the idiot. The retard. They don't see the savant. They don't see the warrior. They will make the choice for me. As they always have done. I have words, they might not be in the simple mouth sounds that people prefer, but they are still my words Tikaani declared by turning the globe of ice into a massive wave of water then morph the ice into daggers to fall on Pakku. The elder swept all of them and sunk them into the icy arena.
“Yes. And what beautiful words you have. Purer and unfettered. Despite your disability Tikaani you do have a voice and I feel your frustration. Yet do not let the anger in your heart eat you. Let it go Tikaani, you speak clearly without rage.” warned Pakku approaching Tikaani and placing a gloved hand on his shoulder. Tikaani was still, there was nothing else to say. After a moment though he lifted his hand and pulled a globe of water and let it rest in his palm.
I will speak calmly
The custody war was finally over when Pakku told the elders that Tikaani should chose where to stay. The elders disagreed at first but then after discussion it was decided that Tikaani could communicate clearly enough to pick who he wants to live with. Tikaani made his choice by simply lifting a wave of water and blanketing Hanai and Maka with snow. Pakku smiled as Tikaani made his choice without the unbridled rage he normally had. Despite what the elders assume of Tikaani's competence, they agreed that the gestured was appropriate and made the declaration that Tikaani will remain the ward of Maka son of Barong. Tikaani walked home with peace in his heart, words still unfettered.
“You've gotta be kidding me! I can't fight this kid. He doesn't even look like...he's all the way there!” argued Katara as she stood akimbo to Tikaani who was playing with his favorite top. His long hair flowed over his shoulders and deep blue eyes were lost in the spinning of the top on the ice of the training arena. Aang watched him before getting up deciding that Tikaani would be an easy match.
“C'mon Katara, Pakku just wants us to help him. I'll spar him Sifu!” announced Aang getting up and approaching Tikaani.
“Very well Avatar, I am glad to see you're up for a challenge. I am disappointed that you were not Katara. I would think you would find our Tikaani more of a match than your other peers.” Pakku said simply getting to Tikaani's level and using a tendril of water to pull the top away gently. Time for a new game. Do you want to spar with Aang? Tikaani got up and looked at the top for a moment before rubbing his hands on his face and pulling his hair for a moment. Pakku let him stim watching him as Tikaani turned to face Aang. The airbender smiled at the twelve year old waterbender who hummed and flapped his hands. Tikaani bent a stream of water and sent it at Pakku, Ok. I will, he looks easy. Katara had her hands crossed and look at Aang with a raised eyebrow.
“Aang I don't think this is fair, Pakku is just setting you up! Do you really want to fight against him?” she complained as Aang got into a stance.
“Come on Katara how hard can he be? He isn't even looking at me!” Aang sent a wave of water at the Tikaani while his back was turn grinning thinking he would catch him off guard. He was shocked when Tikaani whirled around sending the wave back, swirling it around Aang. The Avatar tried redirect the surge back to Tikaani, but the boy had it under control. Pakku had a smug look on his face as Tikaani was introducing himself to Aang. Showing him who he was. Words completely lost on the Avatar. Tikaani pulled the water back before Aang had a chance to bend it away from him and he solidified it back into the arena. Aang just stood there perplexed as Tikaani went back to stimming again and making ice rings.
“Wow! He could bend just as good as you Katara, but what's wrong with him? He doesn't look like he even knows we exist.” Aang noted as Tikaani bent more rings. Pakku explained, as Tikaani babbled to himself.
“Tikaani is a waterbending savant. He has some sort of...mental delay as child. He can't talk like you and I but he can speak through his bending. He was introducing himself to you. Since you didn't reply he stopped the conversation and when back to talking to himself. Let this be a lesson to you both, do not assume anything about your opponent. Do not draw conclusions about them before the bout begins or you will lose. You will find that many of your opponents are not always what they seem.” Katara felt a bit humbled by this. Walking up slowly to Tikaani she melted the ice rings he was making and turned them into little ice towers.
I'm Katara. Do you want to spar? Tikaani looked up and sent a wave back to her. Yeah ok!
And then, the conversation started again.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Right away I like the animation it reminds me of Wallace and Gromit. It's rather cute and whimsical with narration and the textured desaturated claymation. Mary has a pet rooster named Ethel, makes her own toys from things she finds, her mother is an acholotic that shop lifts and her dad never talks to her. Despite that, she is sweet cute and I seem to like her. Max is obviously aspie, over eats but is also good natured. He's also Jewish and mother committed suicide.
It's also strangely heartbreaking, because Mary is constantly teased, on her second letter to Max she is crying because of the constant bullying and asks Max for help. It's not really meant for children really, because of some of Mary's questions and some of Max's own responses, but it's not our right R. Max also has a severe meltdown and is sent to a pysch ward. It's powerful how while funny and kinda adorkable, it's also painfully real and raw on their lives.
(Bonus Max wears an Aspies for Freedom shirt and I laughted a little)
Max does explain to Mary (in his simple monotone and frank way) what Aspie is. He states to her which nearly made me tear up again. "I like being an aspie, I do not want to change it. As it like changing the color of my eyes"
It's very raw, cute and heartbreaking. It's different from most cartoons and stories with autistic folks. Which why I give it
5 out of 5 hand flaps.
Monday, July 11, 2011
For those that don't know I am a live action role player also known as a LARPer ( yes I am well aware how much of a dork I am playing LARP but it's less boffer LotR and more political intrigue and noir with vampires), I play Vampire the Masquerade . It's super complex and sometimes to understand. I've been playing "Columbus in Darkness" (the name of our game) for almost a year. For an autist, playing a very heavy social game like LARP and one that is very very political in nature. Is severely tasking and I've been known to meltdown after game. It can be hell for some, but I actually love it. LARPing has been teaching me to better read facial expressions, make better eye contact and dare I say it? Learn to lie more effectively.
But I am not hear telling people how useful drama classes are or more political games like VtM for learning better passing skills. This is a caveat to players especially autists who come into a new game unprepared and very ignorant of how the game works.
And make total asses of themselves.
Enter "Karen", she is my age and probably on the spectrum (according to her) she definitely has a quirks and some social impairments. I know her actually from the Gender Variant and Queer support group that I go to once a month. She is trans like myself and I can empathize with transitioning being very very exhausting. Never the less, Karen entered the game and I was totally excited to have my characters meet hers. I play two characters, a Gangrel named Spyke.. I also play Larkin, a Toreador .
I was excited to see Karen's character concept. Was she gonna play a Malkavian, the mentally unstable, but mentally complex clan of vampires? Maybe a one of mage-clan vampires the Tremere. There was just so many paths to choose and I was excited for her. So I was kinda confused when she chose a caitiff or a clanless vampire. Now, for those that don't quiet catch it. Playing a clanless vampire in our game (we play the Camarilla sect) is pretty risky for brand new players. They are hard to play because Kindred (vampire) society looks down on them. They are considered garbage, trash, unworthy of the blood. They are hard for new players because of a sizable stigma on them and screwing up because you're still new to the game could get your character killed.
More or less, playing a caitiff is for more experience players who know the genre and the game well (despite everyone telling her, this was a bad idea and she needs to know what she is doing)
So Karen was playing a caitiff, well I kinda laughed at first thinking she was obviously pretty versed with genre, and has done this before. I also thought she had a big plan with this character. Gee was I wrong.
She was obviously PAINFULLY new to the genre of Vampire the Masquerade. She made a lot of newbie mistakes which was fine because you're totally allowed to fuck up as you go. I did that with Spyke a lot (now my excuse that Spyke was a feral vampire that came to Columbus after her mentor was brutally killed), however unlike Karen, I learned my mistakes, I learned the game. It was hard, tasking and overwhelming at points. Generally first time characters survive for about three months. I was surprised when Spyke lasted triple that time. So I knew "Theresa" was not going to last long in game. I don't think Karen understood that.
Anyway, it was apparent that Karen as a player had poor manners, and didn't understand why she was bugging people. She interrupted conversations (in and out of character), she wore blazers, but didn't cross her legs or keep them closed which was kinda gross for someone in a short skirt. She didn't try to make friends out of character, so everyone saw her as a stranger. Her own character screwed up A LOT, everything from insulting characters and getting crap knocked out of her (in game of course) and having bad manners all around (claiming to be professional and then walk around with a two liter bottle of cows blood doesn't really work, also telling folks you drink cows blood is like telling vegetarians you love eating meat and you don't understand why you guys would just eat plants. It's rude). The top it all off, if Theresa was new to Kindred society people wouldn't have been hard on her. The deal was, Karen made her already a member of the sect that we played (Camarilla) so her character should know all the rules of society and have proper manner for interacting. Making her screw ups FAR more grievous than if she was recently embraced (turned into a vampire). More or less Theresa was going to be killed for screwing up too much, and we thought that it would be lesson learned and Karen would make a character more appropriate for a new player and continue to play. Shit happens right?
I was again wrong.
Last night as I came in, I found Karen by the sign in table. She looked stiff (she always does) and seemed to be waiting for something. So greeted her:
Me: Hey Karen, did you sign in? :D
Karen: No I am leaving the LARP for good :| I am just here to tell that to STs (Storytellers they are kinda like the moderators of the game)
Me: D: aww, I am sorry, well good luck then
And instead of just leaving she hung around waiting for my boyfriend to show up so she can give him her contact info (he didn't until much later but she left leaving me her info). I didn't know why she couldn't email the STs or something. I didn't bother to ask why she was leaving. Though I had a sneaking suspicion.
Before game day, Bonnie's character Ryan wrote a scathing letter to Theresa for her misbehavior during very very important event. Now I must remind my readers, this is all RP this isn't really Bonnie has no issues with Karen, however her character hates Theresa. What I found out later that night, is that is why Karen left the game. She didn't know about the letter until that night. She decided, instead of handing the situation with grace, to throw a fit like a child. She insulted the players, the game and generally made a stink of it. And then flounced off.
Here is the tally for those that are keeping score
-She is playing a very DIFFICULT character not one for new players
-She is new to game and doesn't know all the rules and doesn't ask for help
-Her character continue to make the same mistakes over and over wearing everyone's patience down.
-She decides people suck and she acts like a child when she realizes that this isn't her cup of tea.
Conclusion: I have absolutely no sympathy for her and I hope the doesn't come back until she matures as person an as a player.
Folks this isn't about RP. This long TL;DR example is what it means to have personal responsibility. You do not go into something without knowing the consequences. You learn from your mistakes and be accountable for your actions. We tried to help Karen, we gave her advice, we told her how to access the STs for help get on the IC and OOC email lists. We wanted Karen to be a cool and valued player, but she never took a step back and said:
"This really isn't my cup of tea, I don't think I like LARPing...I am gonna quit sorry and good luck to folks"
"I am having trouble with this, I think it's best if I retired Theresa and play a more flexible character."
"I am taking a break for a few weeks, just to clear my head."
Instead once she realized she couldn't cut it. She blamed everyone else and acted liked it was our fault that her character was getting her ass kicked. Dude....you signed up for this. We even threw you a lifesaver. This is immature, willful and pretty damn typical.
Especially for autists.
I've seen this behavior in AFF and several blogs. So the question is raised. When is it justified to hold the actions of NTs, and the government accountable to misfortunes, personal or public, and when it is appropriate to take accountability for oneself and be change that you would like to see? The problem is that I see lot of autists blame NT parents, teachers, spouses, their disability the government. I don't see a lot of autists taking a step back an realize that they could improve things themselves but be responsible and changing their own behavior. Understanding ones flaws is a sign of maturity. Realizing that some behaviors can't have the "autism card" pulled on when being called on (IE: I know an AFF member who harassed his female co-workers, he used his autism and them being NT and not "understand" as a excuse" ). Realizing some shit isn't cool an working to change it is important. It's not being "submissive" to NTs (as one autist accused me off), it's about realizing that being an asshole isn't an autistic symptom.
A good autists realizes that sexually harassing co-workers, making racists comments, crying wolf when "trolls" are really people that disagree with you, is inappropriate and seeks to correct behaviors without blaming people or one's autism.
A good LARPer would realize playing very difficult character is a bad idea with inexperience and will play something easier to learn the game
A superb RPer would turn the caitiff into a Ventrue that doesn't know she is clanless, make her in charge of several Non-profits be a totally HBIC, give her some awesome influences and abilities and finds out that she is clanless and totally freaks the fuck out!
What that's what I would do if I played Theresa.....
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
There is a an advantage to being Self-DX. It's one that is seen and talked about with in the community but only non-directly. I've seen it commented as being a "Stealth Aspie" being not on the books, or records. Passing well enough without a lot of suspicion. What this really is. Is NT Privilege.
That the advantage of being Self-DX, you have personal label but not one that strips you of your infrastructural status as an NT. The government, local, state and so forth, sees you as an "NT". You don't need, the county's DD (developmental disability) services, BVR or Disability Medicaid or SSI. According to the government you're normal.
This is a massive advantage to folks with a self-DX, they can live their lives carrying the autistic label and suffer none of the community backlash. This is why they tout being a "stealth aspie" this is why many discourage autists on getting a clinical DX. Keep the label, keep the privilege.
Now I am not arguing the the validity of self-DX (especially online), this is not the forum for it (besides that's a clusterfuck of topic). Yet I understand why self-dx is appeasing for folks. Why would you willingly strip the advantages of being "NT" to gain a diagnosis that would haunt you? One that would make getting employed impossible, getting services hard and walking around with a social ghost haunting you.
Self-dx, can have their cake and eat it too. The rest of us that are on the books, can only look at the yummy NT Privilege cake but never eat it.
Something to be aware of Self-DX....