Having an itch you can't scratch

It wasn't long before Tikaani heard the shouts of his aunt as he bolted out of the house. His communicator still on the table as Maka chased after him, the only warning that Tikaani gave aunt, was the word "Itch"

The urge to bolt out of the house is not and uncommon behavior for autists. Occasionally I want to get out and run, and I was a "Runner" too as a child (to the point I had a baby leash as kid). Sometimes you just have to get up and go. You don't want to stay still but go, and you get up and run. I pace a lot now, and my running behavior is minimized but I still have that itch.

Currently there has been talk of a proposal for a Diagnostic code for "wandering". I have a feeling this could end badly, and push disability rights back a step. Once again people continue the notion that "we don't know what's best" and we're doing this "for your benefit" without actually discussing this problem with us. It's like every other treatment or issue with ASD. The NAA and Aut$spk rather talk to the parents and those on the outside than those that actually have the issue. Everything about this proposal feels ass-backwards and it screams justification on locking up auties.
"They have Wandering Disorder that's why we have to put him in the kennel with Spot! Honest it's not abuse! Look we have papers"
I am sure their other methods to help these kids and adults with wandering issues and I don't think medicalizing it is gonna help. We again need to cross that bridge and talk to autists on less invasive and restrictive methods to curb wandering behaviors.

Personally. I think a good "damage control" method is simply introducing your autistic child to the neighborhood and have the neighborhood get to know your kid. Having an aware community can be so helpful. Neighbors that know that "Ian" is on spectrum can benefit you. Their awareness means if he gets out and runs off, a neighbor who knows him can find him and take him home. A strong community and aware one is a boon and it's sad that I don't see that anymore. Of course you gotta be aware of who you introduce your child too, but the point remains.

I just know if I was locked up for running I would find other methods to exert that need. Most of them...would be self-injurious.

Appropriatness and Happiness:

If Tikaani isn't lining up his action figures or playing with his legos, he's watching TV. Not that I mind. I can do my laundry and wash dishes without him shouting "AUNTIE!" But as of late he has been watching "Ni Hao Kai Lan". I keep asking him if he wants to watch Bey Blade or if he wants to get out his Pokemon DVDs or if he wants me to change the channel to Nat Geo. Instead, I get a whine followed by hair pulling, Tikaani-ese for "No no no no, don't do that." So I let him watch it without interruption. As much as it personally embarrassing for me to have my 16 year old to watch something meant for four year olds. I have to simply let it go. If it isn't harmful to others or himself or destructive, I can't really stop him.

Besides, the trade off is that he is learning Mandarin Chinese...that's not really a bad benefit.

((modern setting for essay purposes))

Kim wrote this weeks ago, and I decided to write a response about it. Something that really needs to be touched on as an autist.

I don't see why it is painful for a parent to see their child happy. If your seven year old is still watching Telly Tubbies and bouncing around I don't see how that is heartbreaking or tragic. I don't get why we have to have play with age appropriate games and watch age appropriate TV programs in order to be happy. I don't see why a girl can't play Tonka trucks or a boy with her sister's Barbies. Why is appropriateness and happiness have to interlock?

I guess it bothers me a bit because of the pressure to be just like our typically developing peers. That we putting pressure on kids to interact and share like interests with our peers and not just be happy with what fascinates us. I saw nothing wrong as a fifteen year old to religiously watch "Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese Cat" on PBS. I was happy and my sister and I watched it together (without fighting OhEmGee!) and it was generally a happy time after so much stress from school and Katie and I loved to watch it. Just as we both loved watching Sailor Moon (MOON PRISM POWAAAAAH!) and later Outlaw Star. Should I have been watching shows appropriate to my age and mental level? Yeah, but yet. Those shows were geared towards social protocols and cues that I was rather obvious of. I wasn't interested in who was dating who or what secret Character A was carrying. I didn't get into that until I was at least twenty. I was more interested with the story being told than all the social details. So watched cartoons like "Sagwa" and "Big Guy and Rusty" and "Astro Boy". I was into the story.

The point however is that later I did watch shows like "CSI", "Bones" and "House" which are more for my age level than cartoons. Sure it took me a while, but never the less it came. So I still obsess over cartoons than I do over TV dramas. Yet in end does it actually matter? Why is heartbreaking to see me laughing my head off or grinning like a fool? Why do you have to feel embarrassed when I am rubbing my face on plush animal or lining something up?

Why the very real joy, is the same as the very real pain? Can you answer that?

Functionality and Normalcy

Now at age 18 Tikaani could feed, dress and use the toilet by himself. Skills that Hanai though he will never learn. However he still has trouble cooking the most simple of meals, can't sow or tan leather. He can make a drum from scratch though make a fire and hunt for clams and even fish, but not hunt or work with any weapons. He can't be left alone for his running behavior. He can read and write though and does well with dogs.

but...is he normal?

What is exactly is functionality? Why do professionals fixate on the binary of low and high functioning? Is Tikaani low functioning since he could barely speak accept for short sentences or is he high functioning enough since he could do a trade like make drums or harvest selfish in his tribe and he is also literate.

Functionality creates a border. An us/them mentality that does more harm than good and the concept of functionality seems to be evolving every year. I can't drive I can't hold a full time job I probably won't marry again (I don't even want to talk about that) or go to college. Am I functional though? Doctors think I am. I am Asperger, ergo HFA. So I must be high functioning. Despite having obvious challenges that more "functional" people have. I know autists that can drive and hold full time jobs, marry and be huge drivers in politics. Are they more "high functioning" than me? Do they get their Autie Licenses revoked?

I have seen the dreadful hierarchy that functionality causes. This idea that HFA autists should 'lord' over LFAs makes me nauseous. The idea that the LFA need us to protect them is stupid. ASAN unfortunately from what I see makes no effort to address this issue. This deciding line between LFA and HFA and the fact that these labels are going extinct (eventually) is going to be important for ASAN and other organizations to pay attention too. They need to see the infighting and the ableism within the group. I believe LFA people have much to contribute as long as they gain accommodations they need.


The problem is...once an oppressed group gains power, the opposing group tries to find ways to get it back. Any means necessary.
You can interpret that last line any way you want.

PS, I don't put Tikaani with any functionality label, at least not personally. I use a label to for reference for some RP players and in my fictions for the public. But generally, Tikaani isn't Low or High functioning. He's...Tikaani.

Bard

Gender blindness

This is a rather jumbled up post but something that has caught my interest.

opening fiction first person Rahmet

It was something that was gradually brought to my attention, but I noticed that my cousin didn't notice gender easily. Now I said gender not sex, Tikaani recognizes that women have 'sheaths' and men have 'swords'. Sex to him was obvious he has seen women naked in co-ed bath-houses and gods know how many times he have seen me or Maka nude. Gender was a bit more ambiguous for him. Back at home, gender to him, was defined by bending. Male waterbenders were warriors or laborers female waterbenders were healers or midwives. Gender with appearance never really register with him. Women and men work huge heavy parkas not all women wore make up both sexes wore jewelery. So defining gender based on looks didn't quite make sense to him

In Ba Sing Se, it was bit more complicated. Like him, some men had long hair, women earthbenders were laborers and warriors and some men were doctors and even midwifes. Suddenly his whole diagram is put on it's head. What was at least clear enough for him to tell is now a bit blurred. He has called women carrying hammers or tools and short hair despite wearing gowns and having prominent breasts 'sir' and men with trousers but holding children and having long hair as 'ma'am'. After several gentle corrections by me. Tikaani decided to 'fuckitall' and call everyone sir. It gets worse with children since they are naturally androgynous. 

Tikaani's frustration with not telling men from women apart was embarrassing to him. It wasn't because gender was a big deal to him,(I find it kind of altruistically endearing that he doesn't care about binaries)but the shear fact it made him look like a moron. Having people laugh at him and say: "Last time I checked I still have a (pair of) breasts/penis", was very humiliating, he would lower his head say that he was sorry and stim for twenty minutes and then disconnect. Tikaani tries his best to pick out distinctions but society doesn't really help with it. Mostly because people naturally blend the binaries he grew up with (don't get me started with cross-dressers. Those just piss him off. Not because he finds it disgusting but they just confuse him even more and make it more frustrating for him.) and it makes it hard for him to distinguish.

Theoretically, I think this was probably a throwback to the years of face-blindness when he was a child. He threw a nasty meltdown when he was five and half when mom got her hair cut short. He had no idea who mom was and screamed like he was on fire. He figured it out later that day but, since then all of us don't change our appearance that much. Now the ability to not recognize familiar people based on changes on looks, has become the ability not to pick up on gender distinctions right away.

After some work with him though, Tikaani has picked up gender through voice, which I guess plays with the concept of sex (I see sex as physical and gender as social), men have deep voices women have high voices. Thanks to Tikaani's perfect pitch, he knows what a woman sounds like and what a man sounds like. Beards worked so well too since he knows women don't have big bushy beards. Now Tikaani has somewhat managed his gender-blindness. Yet...those cross-dressers do show up again to trip him up and me as  well. 

Why do drag queens look so darn attractive? 

So the question arises, what do autistic people thing of gender? Are some actually gender blind? Do some identify with no gender? Trans? bi? or just play cis? How does gender affect autistic people in general? Are clear with binaries or are they vague to us? 

FTR I don't think gender blindness is an autistic trait. I see it as simply a "Tikaani" trait. Which I used to set the topic's questions up. 

Shadows

The late afternoon sun cast an orange shadow on the blue icy walls of Tikaani's home. Exhaling a low sigh, the young man sunk himself deeper into the warm but salty water.
Not quite the ocean but close enough, Tikaani shut his eyes for a moment but when he opened them the shadow was gone. It confused him. What happened to it? Why did it leave? Tikaani missed the warm vermillion glow of the setting sun, on the pale walls. He made a soft moan and dripped some of the water on to the floor. Watching it drip from his finger in steady consistent patterns.
Sometimes ideas can be like shadows. One minute there are there the next the evaporate and you spent all day trying to remember what it was to bring back that elusive shadow. My words are like that. Shadows that come and go. Some days I can remember things clearly and speak. Other days the shadows are gone and things are overcast. There are things that are Not-Quite-Real and things that Real-But-Not-Seen. Shadows tend to fall into the Not-Quite-Real page. You can't touch one, or move it, but you can see it and change it to some degree. Words are also Not-Quite-Real. The have no form, no shape but people are so controlled by them. Why?

Diving back into the water Tikaani let thoughts drift...like late afternoon shadows.

As the late afternoon drifts on and the day continue to drip like water. I sigh as I procrastinate in packing and organizing thing. My evaluation for my job is coming up and I feel nervous but not scared. More nervous with uncertainty than anything else. Security is a lot like Tikaani's thoughts on "shadows" it's elusive and hard to contain and maybe it's "Not-Quite-Real" I find it hard to feel secure with my job, with my homelife with my blog. It's elusive and you can't quite touch it. The unknown of it all is like unsolvable puzzle. You can't make heads or tails of it and you spend hours predicting it. Honestly I fear the unknown. So do many NTs too.

Siblings and Autism

I had a bunch of posts lined up but I can't seem to get all my thoughts organized. Hmmm. Lets see if I can remedy that. 

At first I hated Tikaani. I was only seven when first met him. He bit me and he drooled a lot. Momma had to nurse him all the time because he would spend hours crying. He was clingy and destructive. I hated him...but I was also jealous too. 

Rahmet opens this topic tonight. He was Tikaani's cousin and Hanai's youngest son. He was also a waterbender which if you are not familar with the Avatar the Last Airbender universe, is talent in which members of the Water Tribe are able to manipulate the element of water by doing martial art stances. Tai Chi was uses as a base for Waterbending. Anyway I am getting off topic. 

He was the only member of his family beside his father Maka and his uncle Amana that can bend. So he was pretty special in his family and he did get a lot of attention and praise from his parents and uncle, and all of that was torn away when Tikaani arrived. He was no longer the center of the house. So you can imagine how bitter Rahmet was when not only did someone took away your place in the sun, but this someone: 

-Breaks your toys, screams in the middle of the night, pees in the middle of the house, steals your prized possessions, bites you and makes outings and special events almost non-existent and on top of it, all your friends now desert you. 

It was no wonder Rahmet was pretty irritated with Tikaani and bullied him often. 

It was the same for me and Katie, only I was the eldest. However because of my constant habit of causing trouble and the fact I had hard time comprehending anything, I was the butt-monkey of the family and Katie's favorite chew toy. 

This doesn't apply to me or my fictional characters. Many kids with autistic siblings feel "outsourced." They often have "Normal Kid" syndrome. In which the NT or abled child feels shadowed by their special needs sibling/s and react with jealousy or contempt. This isn't uncommon, my sisters hated me. I was the family enabler and shit-stirrer I was the one that got sent to the principle's office regularly, I embarrassed them often.  

But what about Tikaani. How did he feel about his cousins? 

Rahmet was frustrating. He always wanted to see me cry. He yelled at me for no reasons or reasons I didn't understand. He always called me names. I hated it when he pulled my hair or ruffled it and it confused him when I reacted to it with pain. I didn't know how to relate to him. I was jealous he could bend make the water dance. He gloated all the time how 'easy' it was to bend. Maybe he would like me better if I could bend. I wanted him to like me. 

Autists often feel aloof around their NT siblings. We can't relate to them and we have hard time figuring out what they want from us. My sister confessed to me one day on the way to thanksgiving that the reason she was so sarcastic and mean to me was she wanted a reaction out me since I could never react typically. I just wanted to know if she loved me. When we got older we grew up a little bit but in the end we still fight and butt heads. Yet I matured greatly and Katie gained some understanding.s

I understand why NT siblings often feel angry and sometimes can be the biggest pro-cure nut balls out there. I think deep down they are still resentful of their siblings. I think subconsciously if they were 'cured' they would be easier to understand than easy to dislike. In the same concept I can understand why autists feel so frustrated and apathetic to their NT sibs. They seem to  no understand the principle of being disabled. Or the frustration of being "Llama" among other sheep. They can't empathize with use and we in return can seem get them to understand.

It's vicious cycle of bitterness and disconnect and it affects siblings of all ages. While the media paints a sweet picture of siblings wanting to help their siblings and love them. They miss the fighting and arguing, tantrum and bulling that goes behind scenes. I wouldn't be surprised that some siblings when the find out that their autistic brother and sister goes missing, subconsciously wish that they never come back. It's common. Not pretty and sweet but it's honest. 

So what can we do to connect the NT and and the autistic siblings. The first thing is to admit that not everything is going to be perfect. The second is forgiveness. I forgave Katie, Katie forgave me. We're a lot better together now that we're not living under the same roof. Which will probably help thing with other siblings. Not competing for the same affection and affirmations makes life a lot less stressful. Eventually with time, we can learn from our past mistakes and walk forward. Heck I even forgave Katie for admitting if she had an autistic child she would put it up for adoption, brave of her to state, but not something you would mention to your autistic sister, really. That was classy Katie <.< 

So what about Tikaani and Rahmet? 

Now? I am Tikaani's greatest advocate. I grew up. I spent most of my time with Shaman Jaki when I was thirteen. I studied all the time and I found strength with my faith in the ocean spirit Tui. With that I was able to shed my disdain and finally see the beauty inside my cousin. I started to appreciate his laughter, the way he rocked and wiggled his hands. As I and he grew I wanted nothing more than to be his strength. I still get frustrated with him and I feel like some days I should just jump in a canal. Yet I despite those days I wake up and start the day knowing that Tui made him for a reason and perhaps it's to teach me imperfect beauty. 

Something to think about. 

Expenses and Pin-holing

HURP DURP

I had the wrong address on my chip in thing. HUUUUUR it's correct now. 

As of late things have been really tough and I would like to talk about my job but I am having a communication block with it so I don't know if I would be literate enough and it didn't just come down to WHARGLGARBLE!

You probably also notice the little donation button on the top of my page. That is the Seroquel Fund. I am raising $90 dollars so I can have the money I need to buy my pills. These are not life or death, but the money generated get me my meds needed to dissolve the paranoia and anxiety I have. Pills are $30 for thirty pills, Thats a buck a pill. HELLLL NOOOOO. I will be looking into generics to replace the seroquel monkey on my back. But in the mean time

Help a sistah out.


It was simple work. Load boxes into carriage, take them out. Tikaani had no problem with doing the task. But was boring. He could have been learning how to follow people undetected or re-reading old texts on rituals in the South Pole for calling upon spirits. Instead the was stuck with getting boxes from the docks and carrying back. He might as well be an ostrich-horse.

This opening fiction starts off our topic on dumbing down and pin-holing disabled folks in menial jobs.

I've seen a lot of intelligent autistic men and women get stuck in these dead-end or very laborious jobs with no real reason besides. "Well this all I can do." It's something I experienced going through the job wheel and getting jammed into simple jobs that I had no interest in. Also, these were jobs that I wasn't good at either but I had no choice.

Many autists are getting very little training and BVR is a joke. What's worse is that our splinter skills are hard to place. It's a recipe for disaster. Poor social services and very complex and individual autists equals: Crap jobs that isn't enough to pay for services needed.

Not all of use end up as professors, nor IT. Kim's post explains it more.

It also goes into the whole stereotype that labor based jobs are the only jobs that DD folks can preform with limited cognitive skills, it also seems that to be the case for high fuctioning autists but not for the same reasons. 

It's a hot mess. 

Relief and the good kind of overload...

It was wonderful, this feeling of drowning in pleasure. Like an overload when things are too much. It is too much..but then relief, if someone open the lid of a bubbling pot and let the steam out. I feel exhausted but not unhappy. I like this feeling of being overwhelmed and then getting that relief. I want the pot to bubble up again so I can free the steam.


OK kiddies this is an adult only post. All you little ones under 18 need to skedaddle.

Opening fiction is Tikaani describing what an orgasm feels like to him. Tikaani's sexuality for a long time is mostly masturbation and various experiments with what turns him on. It isn't until he is around his mid-twenties does he experience intercourse.

For many autists out there, this is very familiar. We're all have fondle ourselves and tried to figure out how get that certain sensation many find it and enjoy it some don't, and for some, intercourse is far away while others have found it and appreciate the experience. Now not all autist are sexual. Some are very asexual for many reasons. Sometimes the sensations are overwhelming and not the good way, some actually hurt. Though it is a lie that autists even "Purple" autists are not sexual or have no concept of sex.


Sex for me is very wonderful thing. I will not tell you all of my sexual habits but release is actually helpful and helps me reorganize thoughts and center me sensory-wise. I feel better and often sleep better. In one experiment fiction with Tikaani he also compares orgasm to using the restroom. It is refreshing and relieves a pressure and need. In some sense sex including masturbation, is form of bodily release, though not completely necessary (like using the toilet or eating) it does serve a very functional purpose.

Problem is many autists are curious but unsure how to approach sex and some are very shy and with the right-wing pro-christian agenda, exploring one's sexuality is often discouraged and for some autists breaking those rules are often hard to do (It was for me when I was Christian) so many are ignorant on many aspects of sex and it poses a host of challenges.

First off, many don't know what their boundaries are and that can cause a lot of problems. They might preform a sexual act and injure themselves (I have done this). Or not know what tools many help them explore their sexuality safely. Many might not understand contraceptives or might be too paranoid about them which causes a lot of unwanted anxiety (Was paranoid about getting pregnant until I got an IUD and I didn't sleep or cry because of said anxiety). We shouldn't leave young autists to figure things out via internet. It's unreliable and irresponsible. Parents however don't have the responsibly alone to teach their child about the finer points of 'insert tab A into slot B' peers and dear friends of autistic people should also help educate and assure autistic people that experimenting and doing it safely is ok. Especially since many teens and young adults of any neuro-type, don't always feel comfortable asking parents about sex and what feels good. Friends shouldn't laugh or look at their autistic friend oddly for asking questions about masturbation or what a g-spot is. Nor should they dismiss them with 'Go wiki/google it' it's unhelpful and creates distrust.

Autistic people of all colors should have the freedom to explore their sexuality without fear of being reprimanded by parents or mocked by peers. Parents and peers and other autistic friends that have experience should pitch and encourage that need to...let the steam out.

I am whole

The screaming from Ollie's locked bedroom could be heard all over the home he is residing at. The 18 year old autistic telekinetic boy's tantrum was over on one thing. Someone took his game boy away. It was the only thing that brought him comfort and it was taken from him. Mr. Whicker noticed that the lock was starting to break. It won't belong out of confusion and frustration, Ollie would psychically break the door down.


Hanai spent two an half hours with Tikaani as he spent that time vomiting and crying, his fever will not break and the healers could break it. Maka had his fourteen year old nephew in his arms as the flu ravaged him. Occasionally out of anger and sickness Tikaani will scream and break something or try to run outside into the snow to cool off. Hanai sat beside him brushing the hair out of his eyes as he made to drink boiled water. Maka looked at his wife with a fear. Will this be the end of their foster son?

Opening paragraphs are from Ollie, a character set in alternate earth, he and two others are gifted with superpowers and call themselves the league of misfits. The other is of Tikaani.

Why would I write something so depressing? Especially since I am so hopeful and confident. This is less "emo" and more reflection.

Out of many neurodiversity blogs out there. They all seem to have this whirlwind optimism. Many are established adults with jobs, or stable income or college kids with a secure environment. Some are self-dx with no legal repercussions of their pasted on diagnosis. Others are formal and have files in their hospitals.

What I am addressing is despite being whole we are not always in constant state of happy gung-ho pride. I will say since no one else will, at least on my end of the camp. Autism does suck. I am not saying that out of depression. I am stating a real truth. Autism does suck, not all the time but it's not something to constantly glorified and "inb4thebutthurt" of people in the "BUT I DON'T GLORIFIY IT!!!!one11!" But I have yet to see people admit that being developmentally disabled does blow a little.

People however love to blame others, mostly neurotypicals saying that it's society's fault that we have it so rough. Yes the social structure is one problem. But if you put a bunch of auties from around the spectrum together on a deserted island, there are going to be just as many problems with that than solutions. The world doesn't suddenly make sense if we're all in one room. We have no standard mode of operating and because of our various social skill level were going to be missing important cues and most likely argue and fight out of frustration, this will go along a for a long while until we figure out how to a set an strong routine. However if we all end up stuck on AutIsland, and we do figure out a structure. You bet your momma's spaghetti that goverment will hold together. Most of us are stickers for the rules.

Which proves that everything has a dark and light side. While I may say Autism sucks (occasionally) and that not everything can be blamed on other people. I do see good from my disability. However I feel I do not have an autie talent, if anything I am rather plain. My art skills are mediocre and my writing is on that same level. I have a lot of flaws but nothing to really balance it. So it seems.

While there are bad days as the first to show, there are good days. Find them and celebrating them is important just recognizing the "autism sucks" days.

Backup "Dehumanizing is all the rage"

(Opening fiction with Tikaani)

Hanai tried to get Tikaani to stop crying and screaming. His face screwed up with a look of desperate fear and worry. The stares of his people go ignored as has pulled his long black hair. Hanai also ignored the whisperes and stares of others, too concerned with getting Tikaani to process the information that was overwhelming him. He pointed a suede covered mitten at the large animal in front of him. He made another shriek and waved his hands as if to push the buffaloyak away. The rider on top scolded him and berated Hanai. After all the frustration from both Tikaani's meltdown and the rider on top, Hanai shouted.
"Just move along! He is terrified of buffaloyaks! He is telling you to leave!"

Hanai watched as the rider blinked back suddenly and rode off. Once Tikaani saw that he was gone, the six year old water tribeboy calmed down finally, humming and flapping his hands. Hanai picked him up and carried him thinking.

No body listens to those who don't speak their language.

The opening fiction depicts the ever common "autie-meltdown", Hanai tries to get her nephew to calm down but he can't as his phobia is staring him in his face. When the buffaloyak leaves Tikaani finally settles. But Hanai wonders why the man riding on him doesn't leave him alone...

It the old condrum of us being able to have something to say or communicate and no one bothers to listen to it. Autism Speaks of course in their wave of ignorant glory, flavored with NYC Ransom notes styled ominous voice over, they put this as their new inspirational video. It inspiries of course parents and teachers and non-autists who are meer observers and infuriates the autists themselves as they roll their eyes and as Kel Mitchelle once said "Awww here it goes!"

This is of course is just ANOTHER underhanded self-serving tactic of AutSpks. Dehumanization is rampant among groups like "Generation Rescue" and "Defeat Autism Now". They keep separtating the autism from the indiviual and that is not how it works. I am speaking only for myself, but many others share the seditment. This sort of mentality is why many autistic children perish in acts of desperation and matyrism. Parents are put on this stage of pity and victimization and autistic children become some sort of scapegoat for unhappy parents that realize that they child they want is not the one they got.

They last bit of the video of course is all for the parents as they gather around the autistic child acting that they will do anything to help they child, like crushing their identity and molding them into something that they are not. Everyone else knows that AutSpks is for NTs not for Autism, the real voice of autism isn't the self-loving parents hogging the lime light whist their autistic child struggles all through their childhood then drown in a sea of lowered expecations and a society hell-bent on turning a "llama" into a "sheep." And if they autist is lucky, he might find happiness and peace with someone or with what makes him happy if not he or she might turn into a bitter misanthropic indiviual that prefers the soliditute of his basement.

Autism rights isn't about glorfying autism. It's about letting our words be heard so we can make our own choices. NT's don't have a say on what we need, we do. And it's about time someone hears that.

Bard.

Back up "But we do learn"

Looking back on how each her children have grown, Hanai recalled on how each of her little ones have struggled and reached those milestones. Her eldest was Elang, who talked rather early but walked late around 13 months, her only daughter Qaniit talked later but was easier to toilet train, but she it took her a while to learn how to chop wood. Elang had special knack for buffaloyaks and Qaniit loved to sow. Rahmet her youngest son was the only waterbender. He loved to swim but he was also the laziest of the group and incessiant tattler. He walked on and talked on time but never fully toilet trained until he was four. Tikaani however, seem to destroy all her notions on development.

He didn't start walking until he was almost two, around twenty months, and often toe-walks and has issues with balance. He spoke his first words (more rice) when he was around eight and wasn't toilet trained until he was twleve. Maka her husband worried that Tikaani would never speak or be toilet trained, but Hanai knew that all kids grew differently. Tikaani will reach those points in life, at glaciers pace yes, but he will reach them. Hanai just had to be diligent and look at the gifts that Tikaani did have. He could memorize sounds from all sorts of animals and had perfect rhythm. Focusing on never being able measure right or read or sowing right away was unimportant and futile. She had to focus on what he can do and what he was learning.



I think this is gonna be pattern on how I open essays...one or two paragraphs on Hanai. Anyway it brings up today's topic. We do learn but we learn slowly some so slow that it's hard for normatives to tell if we are learning at all. I still struggle with arthimathtics and numbers (don't have that stereotypical love for numbers) I like letters and word patterns but the mechanics of language eludes me. I wasn't potty trained until I was four, I talked early and walked at an average age, still at age three I couldn't tell right from left I had a hard time recognizing patterns and sequence. I was impulsive and distracted and never could fully process A+B=C. At age 3-4 I was diagnosis with ADHD/ADD my father was diagnosed with the same. It wasn't a correct diagnosis, but a precocious speaking female four year old wasn't going to be labeled with a developmental disability in 90-91.

It baffled my mother and father who always talked how "Smart I was" but always struggle with school. I was failing Biology when my father knew that was one of my better subjects (according to him) and how I should be passing with flying colors. However the fail to notice that I did better in Drama class and in Latin than I did in my more mathmatical classes. I did better in History (and to my teachers chagrin I often corrected her.) For my sophmore year we had a creative writing assignment in English. My teacher wanted us write three pages on a real life event or a fictional event. Low and behold to my fathers amusement and my teachers irritation. I wrote 27 pages on an epic story about winged people (called harpies but not to be confused with the mythical critters), fighting an ursupation of their throne and restoring peace to their world that was suffering a violent genocide. Back then I was pissed that I got a C on it. But my teacher didn't want to read through 27 pages. I was proud however that I wrote around 700 words or so and all hand written. However I think I had to cull it down to four pages and I STILL got a C on it. Mrs Gibbison apparently hated fantasy.

The whole point that I am rambling here is the fact that autistics learn different things at different paces. And we do learn them, the problem is some of those tasks are learned in patterns that we are not familiar with and we struggle to learn them. What I discovered, is that I sucked at algebra but I did like geometry and permutations. Problitlity became exciting for me. However I didn't excel in those two subjects but I was keen to learn them. Because we learn differently I find it frustrating for parents to teach skills in ways that I struggle to understand and have no interest in. I did learn how to wash dishes and fold clothes and do laundry but at my own pace. I did learn to tie my shoes. At my own pace. It's this endless rush to learn and complete something that becomes the source of frustration for me personally. And my parents did nothing to end it.

Focusing on what you want to learn is more important than learning the next thing on the list. If I have interest in washing my own clothes than focus on that instead of making me do it an then yell at me when I did it wrong. If I want to learn a new language than get me lessons instead of saying that is too expensive and throw it out the window. Continue to facilitate skills that we love to learn and do. One of the biggest things I miss is improving my talent with equestrian sports. If only I had the resources I would be back on the saddle in no-time. Just keep encouraging to do the things we have interest in and do them well, as for important life skills, we will learn them. It just takes time, a lot of time for us. But don't rush us, it does more harm than good.

Backup "Stolen Child"

Tikaani my autistic character in my fanfiction, is featured here in this drawing. But this isn't about Tikaani (though I love writing about him) but the concept of the stolen child. 

In out generation of autistic adults, teens and children I feel that parents today, still feel that we are stolen children. Of all the stories of parents writing about their autistic son or daughter, I can't help but compare them to the the perspective of a human mother trying to raise an elven or goblin child and asking for pity or some way to banish the goblin so they can have their human baby again. 

Though we are far from some sidhe switched child, that concept that we are "Stolen" still is upon us in our culture. We seem never to leave that old celtic mythos of changlings behind us. And many parents seem to cling to this view that the autism has "switch" their child and that one that they have is not it. 

I do believe that the changling story is often related to real cases of autistic children in ancient Ireland, funny how today that is still a relevent metaphore. Though fortunantly many parents have adopted us "goblins" and raised us knowing that we are "goblins" and accepting us as "goblins" to them we were never changed in the first place. Still I watch parents villanize the fact that we are goblins and begging for their human born son or daughter. Instead of accept their goblin ward and raising them as best they can and loving the fact that they have such a unique child among them (and maybe even teach them a little bit goblin culture), but many of them pity the circumstance, and some look to isolate the child and say "thats not mind I want my child back." 

Though not all parents do this and I am using a lot of metaphore and exageration here, the spirit of the Stolen Child still is among the American culture. We are looked upon as "strange" and unordinary, when in fact we are just as human as you are. Parents need to realize that we are not some aliens from another planet we're not "holland" either nor are we some fae born child switched at birth. We are like you. We may have different wiring and we see the world differently, but we are not stolen or missing. 

dear parents, we are right here in front of  you. You just weren't looking. 

A Cochran