Yesterday's news (poem)

I see animals living captivity
They call it a zoo
but when see man in captivity
and I call it an Institution
where the concept of humanity
is all but a figment of a former reality
like puppies that got to big
and tossed aside like yesterday's news
human beings locked away in
discontentment and division
where their value is place at negative 10
and where their souls tear and rend
but is there an end?
There is no end

Ladies and gentlemen
I'll give you straight facts
no lies or bias here
stories need to be told
and spoken here
injustice is a foot my friends
and we must not be blind in ignorance
I have heard the tales of children being shocked
with burns on their legs and arms
tied down in leather straps
lock in a night dark room
halls scented of piss and vomit
little girls being raped while the nurse is away
parents lied saying it's ok
when the state is involved everything goes to hell
rights are stripped away from the most needy
and left to die I their own feces

humans with cognitive delays are not the enemy
not some obscene sort of tragedy
pretend you can't talk, and world is strange thing
would you want to say something? To have a choice to be protected?
Is easier to pretend that the retard locked in sterile halls is not human
would be better for you to turn you head away
default your responsibility
I wish I could tie you down watch every fucking second
of a Down Syndrome boy screaming as he left alone
in a dark and empty room
I want you to suffer like they suffer
I want to you to bleed like they bleed
I want you see what I see
I am not just hero without a cause
I have seen the mouth of ethical hell
state funded institutions are not homes
just another word for a prison
but at least prisoners have rights
what right does 'bifida girl have
besides being left alone in her wheelchair
the autistic boy is always tied down he screams for his mom
but mommy ain't here
I will champion for them my friend
after all it could be your kid
locked up in that zoo

thrown away like yesterday's news

Yesterday's News

Art Spam and thoughts on Bullying

Drakkani: Male, Age: 20, Clan(Dia): Stormwake. 

Notes taken by Dr. Jakob Tate.

Drakkhani legs are perfectly designed to grip and hold onto rock ledges. They are also strong enough or mortally wound humans.

Dr Jakob Tate (Xenoanthropologist) 

Satyr doodles



I read Amanda's post response to a fellow autistic blogger's post about disappearing off the hub because of cyberbullying. Now I'll straight up say that I believe bullying is nothing to laugh at and neither is trolling. Yet as someone who has skin thick enough to rival an elephant I can't help but lift my eyebrow in scrutiny.

Bullying is serious, but from what I have seen on the Internet. Bullying is also someone what subjective. There is a joke among some LJ communities stating. "Trolling to some people, is just someone disagreeing with you." Which is really true in many communities. If someone passionately disagrees with you (as we've seen with the cure/no cure binary) one is labeled as a troll and thusly his opinion is dismissed. This honestly makes me really really skeptical when people crying 'TROLL' because after being around /b/ (Internet Hell) for sometime (read forever). I tend to have very picky POV on what constitutes as trolling. Unless someone spammed your blog with dead baby pics and goatsee and lemon-party images. Then it's probably not as bad as you dramatized. I have had /b/ troll me. I completely friend locked my LJ and later my Gmail was spammed bombed. Did I write a huge post stating all this?

Fuck no. I don't see a reason in giving the dickheads any satisfaction that they got to me. I left DeviantART(I've been there fore six years btw) because of trolling. I didn't write a huge flouncy post bawwwing about the trolls, I just left. Problem is from what I see, some people like the attention. They like being the victim. Now I am not saying that SBWG and Kowalski are attention-whores. I am sure that their situation is really different. I am just reporting what I have seen in the last 9 years I've been cyberdiving surfing on the Interwebs. People love being the victim. Moms with autsitic children are the perfect example. Aspergers do the same thing. I have seem people wave their arms about online proclaiming. "LOOK AT ME! I AM BEING HARASSED!!!" You might as well just put a target on your ass.

Trolling is serious but, jumping up and down claiming that some wanker is bugging you is just as bad IMO. I don't acknowledge serious trolls. I don't masturbate to the attention of being a victim. That is why I am self-advocate. I am sick of being the victim.

Particpation in Reindeer Games

I still need to work on my outline for Multiple Perspectives, the art of the being a procrastinator is in full swing, but as of late I have been thinking about something that hasn't been sitting well with me.

Why do I feel a divide in my own job?

Not like a huge divide but a weird feeling that I am not really staff, maybe it's because I am part time or maybe because I don't have a "teacher aura". Whatever the case is I can't help but feel sorta...awkward. I like talking and chatting with my co-workers but in some ways I feel that any friendships I make are kinda work only and will end there. Even worse, I feel so mascot-y around my co-workers. Like 'aww lookit you go! Yer so cute and inspirational!' I remember when I was new and interesting for the co-workers. I was the cute punky looking aspie girl...now I am just the aspie girl. I have gotten praise for my work like recently when a kid spilled milk in his bag, I offered to take it and wash it out for them. It was no big deal after all it's my job, apparently it enough to warrant a 'shout-out' on the message board in the teachers lounge. Which is where teachers post messages for fellow staff when they when up and beyond their duties..

How does being responsible equal being up and beyond and why does the well intention praise just feel so...fake to me?

Now the Gala is coming up. It's to raise money for the school. While most autists will pass on the opportunity, thinking that Saturday meltdowns are not a good idea. I want to go. Not because I want to socialize, but actually be considered equal to my peers for once. To be on their level...because some days I don't feel like I am.

On the other hand Voltaire is playing at Outlands that same night...Enoch is playing on taking me. One has better outcome at the end of the night.

AH fuckit!

I am just so pissy today. I just want to break something, scream, stim for hours. I don't feel like eating or drawing really, except for this mood-doodle of Tikaani. I don't know why, but god I just feel like shit.

Rawrrawr!

For those who want a life update, I am off of insurance (BOOO) and I am out of meds (DAMNIT) so I have been taking Tyleno PM to get to sleep. It's lovely side effects is me waking up with upset tummy and drinking pepto. I don't know if I am having withdrawl or I am on my invisible period or I am just being a moody aspie.

My dad is working with Aztec-Zenaca the makers of Seroquel, in an attempt to get me on their drug program so I can get my pills for free. If I pass then I can get the medication I need. I still need to call MR/DD and ask for an appeal since I was rejected and then I need to sit down with both my mom and dad and work out some goals for the next year or two.

*grumpgrumpgrump*

I wish I had mom to give me a hug right now. I really need one ):

ಠ_ಠ

Just something that was bugging me lately. 

Dear Supervisor.

Telling your disabled co-worker that "if I was normal I would have been let-off a month ago" is very disrespectful and inappropriate. You don't tell your black co-workers "if you were white and making the same mistakes you are doing now we would have fired you" Why would you say that to me? 

I don't know if I am over reading it. But using my disability as the only reason for keeping me around is a bit insulting. It's like you are pitying me. What kind of message do you want to send to the kids? That you play your cards right, you might get stuck in a jantorial position kissing ass and being used as a mascot.

Look at the adorable retard awww.

I get that you want to see me succed and was it was great when you were working with me instead of for me. But why can't you treat me as an equal?" 

Too damn old for this

Bard.