The mascot of Prism*Song

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The evolution of an HFA child

I started thinking about this when I was doing dishes, it got my brain going on how autistic child will grow and change and how they will perecive things. This is mostly satrical, so don't take this as fact at all.

The Unaware Phase (age 2-5)

The child at age 2 just got the diagnosis of autism. He is unaware of diagnosis and how people look at him. He unjudging and honest. He doesn't hide between half-lies and polical naunces. He just is. At this point we can say he can speak some what and starts talking around age 4, his parents potty-trained him and he is fuctioning enough that he joins a preschool and goes into several directions

Direction A the neurotypical class
He goes to a school with teachers that have little training and knowledge of autistic children he is sent home many times for biting and screaming during story time. He has meltdowns when someone has a spesific toy he plays with routinely. Eventually the child is homeschooled, parents wonder if he will ever be mainstreamed.

Direction B the Special Ed preschool
The child goes into a exclusive class, the teachers treat him well but they don't expect much. The child doesn't have any neurotypical peers to learn from so behaviors regress, teachers try to enforce good behaviors but they are understaff and have other students to watch. The parents wonder if he will ever be mainstream, some days the doubt completely.

Direction C the middle road
The parents send him to a mix class with 1 autist to every 3 neurotypical student. The teachers are all one on one and the autist learns and keep skills needed to 'ninja' around neurotypicals.

The Geeky Kid Phase (6-12)

At this point the student is now in the school system. He is may or may not have special interest that he shares with his class. He is learning to read and write he may prefer the computer to communicate. His social skills are deloping he may or may not be aware that he is autistic. At this point he struggles with bullying and suffers from verbal abuse. Behaviors fluxate and are inconsitant. He has a lot of problems he may or may not know how to work out. This can manifest in some forms.

Counter-bullying, rage episodes, biting, physcial violence. Parents medicate to control the child, the child struggles to commuicate his feelings.

He suffers with depression and may regress, may have bed-wetting or night-terrors. Will say things like 'I don't want to go to school' or 'I hate school' might need behavioral therapy, may or may not turn into clinical depression.

The Rebel Teen Phase (13-18)
At this point kiddo is in puberty and every thing in his eyes basicly sucks, he might play victim or show apathy. He might struggle with feelings of a sexual nature but might not know how to handle them. He might be inappropriate to the point of creepy or he might be cicumstanically gay. His grades can be anything from perfect to failing. He is loosing interest with people and might struggle with finding happiness with them. Is happy engaging his special interests and slow is shutting himself off with peers after being bullies and outcasted for so long, three rodes hit.

He starts to hate himself and blames his disability for everything. He lacks the skills for responsibilty and searches for a Holy Grail called a 'cure' at adulthood he is the Curbie Autist.

The autist becomes a misanthope. He hates people and wishes everyone gets hit with a plauge and dies. He suffers from depression as well and was agressive child. He doesn't want to be fixed and uses his disorder as reasoning on why he is so superior. Eventually he becomes the Milatant Autist.

The boy may have a few close friends, he might delevope his empathy enough that he can appeart to have 'typical' expressive empathy. He is kind but downtroden, he sees a lot of abuse from his peers, he seeks companionship from other autists and eventually he wants to make things better for all. He grows up to be come the Activist Autist.

Now there is also the Neutral Autist who seperates himself from all politicls the so-called "Cured Autists" who think that they are just cured and the Seprate Autist who doesn't say he autistic but asperger and looks down on LFAs The are a thousand outcomes.

What is yours?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Token Anti-Vaxxer rant

It have been here for a month I haven't gave a huge rant on anti-vaxxers yet. Odd. Well I'll be correcting that tonight.

I could probably spew the same old diatribe that every parent of autistic child has vomited out in the course of the last three/four years, when it comes to Anti-vaxxers and their pro-disease bull.

But that would be uncreative and rather dull and as much as I would love to hump the bandwagon I decide to pretty much repeat the same tripe I said in other essays.

To the pro-diease parents. Stop. Stop calling us 'sheople' when ironicly herd-mentality and groupthink is the sole mechanics of your little cabal. Go join peace-corps and watch children in Africa die of polio and other infectious dieases go laugh in the faces of parents whose children died of H1N1 and simply say "nature is just weeding out the weak". I want to see how ballsy all you hens are, I want to see how brave you are in the face of real trama and real heart break. Yes having a sevearly autistic child does put a damper on your dinner parties and yuppie fraterizing. It's God's way of making you grow the hell up stop pretending you children are perfect little special snowflakes.

News flash.

We're not.

We're all bags of shit ready to be stuffed up with embalming fluid or end up as some headline on CNN. All our lives in the great grand scheme of things, are rather pathetic. We're all gonna end up dead eventually and some in terrible ways. I don't sitting on my blog gloryfiying myself, nor do I go around pitying myself either. Pro-diease parents stand on their pro-cure pedastles, while shoving their fingers up the ir twat and going about how much of "hero" they are. While turning their children in to personal lab-rats to treat their broke and spoiled self-esteem. You're not hero's or "warriors" your fucking white anglo-yuppies with god-complexes.

Fuck you.

Anti-vaxxers however are just a waste of my time. They are not worth preaching to honestly I don't know why I try. But the parents who are still on the fence and are trying pick a side. Don't. Don't bother stay neutral, but listen to your damn children and not your peers.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Shake, Stir and Oppress.

Before we go into the huge discussion today, I do want to brief on an another adventure of the “Teacup Werewolf” and the school she works at.

I am honestly not feeling. I feel dizzy and shivery, it had a headache early today and it was at the point that I pretty much collapsed on the ground. The mask fell off and I just curled up under a table and covered my head at every loud noise and tried to hide from the sunlight. I lost verbal speech and used a note pat to communicate. It was pretty agonizing, like usual the teachers were spot on and assisted me well. Erin encouraged me to head home, she called my sister Katie and told her what happened. Long story short I got on the bus and went home. I didn't leave “early” but I didn't finish work either. It was irritating but something I could manage. Then I decided over-read after being on this thread in LiveJournal.

Which brings into this topic.

I wonder how many abled people and Neuro-accepted people notice their privilege? Would my boss, E would be so kind to me if I was NT? Would she be understanding if was on the same social system as the other co-workers? Was she be being kind and understanding because of my autism? I had a lot of these questions as I sit with my laptop and drinking soy milk. Trying to deal with my headache and feelings of inadequacy. While I think she may have acted the same if I didn't have a disability, (I like to believe so) I feel that neuro-typicals have a lot of privilege that they tend to soak up a good deal.

What kinda of privilege you may ask well the biggest one I see is the fact that when an autists states: “Oh I am autistic” people respond, “Oh I have child/student/client/cousin...etc who has autism.” Why do they do this? Is this some stupid attempt in trying to find some empathy with us? Really? Stop it. It doesn't work it's frustrating because I don't care who you have a relationship with. It doesn't make you more knowledgeable or on the same level. Parents do it all the damn time.

They also play the game of “Oh I feel like that too” as well when I talk about having panic attacks or overloads. They act like everyone has episodes when cognitive thought goes out the window and you're struggling to communicate. They brush it and act like they know exactly what I am going through. No you don't. Yes many NT's have issues in similar strands, but when they act like it's “No big deal”
and try to play it off that everyone has “bad-days” I get irritated. You damn dare brush off the issues I face as autistic person buy down playing them and act like I am not really autistic and that my moments when speaking is almost impossible and I need to be forcibly calmed down during moments of cognitive unrest, is the same when you panic or have a bad day. No it isn't. I can't function or need help. You probably could. Now I am not talking to people that have panic attacks and moments of pyschosis, but the yuppie white middle class therapists who pull the everyone is disabled card. No not everyone is disabled and it just another symptom of abled privilege. You don't need to worry about finding a job that tolerate your meltdowns when everything overloads you at once, or if it's wheelchair accessible or has accessibility for the hearing impaired. You don't worry about aids and resources you need to keep independent. Or if insurance will accept you or how would cops react when your rock back and forth or sway your body.

NT people need to step back and admit their privilege and try to learn a bit more about autistic issues and disability issues. Stop trying to use a relation to empathize, you can't. Stop down playing or try to normalize us and try to make us fit in your box of what is abled and what isn't. Do try to ask questions, don't try to minimize our frustration when resent NT and NT culture.

I get frustrated a lot when I vent or try to say something and people over lap it with how they feel. They one how autists lack empathy but to be honest. NTs are more egocentric than we can ever be.

Monday, November 2, 2009