Before we go into the huge discussion today, I do want to brief on an another adventure of the “Teacup Werewolf” and the school she works at.
I am honestly not feeling. I feel dizzy and shivery, it had a headache early today and it was at the point that I pretty much collapsed on the ground. The mask fell off and I just curled up under a table and covered my head at every loud noise and tried to hide from the sunlight. I lost verbal speech and used a note pat to communicate. It was pretty agonizing, like usual the teachers were spot on and assisted me well. Erin encouraged me to head home, she called my sister Katie and told her what happened. Long story short I got on the bus and went home. I didn't leave “early” but I didn't finish work either. It was irritating but something I could manage. Then I decided over-read after being on this thread in LiveJournal.
Which brings into this topic.
I wonder how many abled people and Neuro-accepted people notice their privilege? Would my boss, E would be so kind to me if I was NT? Would she be understanding if was on the same social system as the other co-workers? Was she be being kind and understanding because of my autism? I had a lot of these questions as I sit with my laptop and drinking soy milk. Trying to deal with my headache and feelings of inadequacy. While I think she may have acted the same if I didn't have a disability, (I like to believe so) I feel that neuro-typicals have a lot of privilege that they tend to soak up a good deal.
What kinda of privilege you may ask well the biggest one I see is the fact that when an autists states: “Oh I am autistic” people respond, “Oh I have child/student/client/cousin...etc who has autism.” Why do they do this? Is this some stupid attempt in trying to find some empathy with us? Really? Stop it. It doesn't work it's frustrating because I don't care who you have a relationship with. It doesn't make you more knowledgeable or on the same level. Parents do it all the damn time.
They also play the game of “Oh I feel like that too” as well when I talk about having panic attacks or overloads. They act like everyone has episodes when cognitive thought goes out the window and you're struggling to communicate. They brush it and act like they know exactly what I am going through. No you don't. Yes many NT's have issues in similar strands, but when they act like it's “No big deal”
and try to play it off that everyone has “bad-days” I get irritated. You damn dare brush off the issues I face as autistic person buy down playing them and act like I am not really autistic and that my moments when speaking is almost impossible and I need to be forcibly calmed down during moments of cognitive unrest, is the same when you panic or have a bad day. No it isn't. I can't function or need help. You probably could. Now I am not talking to people that have panic attacks and moments of pyschosis, but the yuppie white middle class therapists who pull the everyone is disabled card. No not everyone is disabled and it just another symptom of abled privilege. You don't need to worry about finding a job that tolerate your meltdowns when everything overloads you at once, or if it's wheelchair accessible or has accessibility for the hearing impaired. You don't worry about aids and resources you need to keep independent. Or if insurance will accept you or how would cops react when your rock back and forth or sway your body.
NT people need to step back and admit their privilege and try to learn a bit more about autistic issues and disability issues. Stop trying to use a relation to empathize, you can't. Stop down playing or try to normalize us and try to make us fit in your box of what is abled and what isn't. Do try to ask questions, don't try to minimize our frustration when resent NT and NT culture.
I get frustrated a lot when I vent or try to say something and people over lap it with how they feel. They one how autists lack empathy but to be honest. NTs are more egocentric than we can ever be.
(This is Wereblood from a few nights ago)
ReplyDeleteIn my experience the workplace tends to be a little overbearing if they don't think you are disabled. For instance, I have Minears Disease, a very heavy case of it, which makes it pretty hard for me to function in general. However, if I ever broke down at work no one would understand, no one would send me home, no one even knows what it is, it's not considered a disability. Very few people suffer from this in my experience and it makes living general life tough. Who's to say if your boss is just acting out of being nice or if it's because of what you have? Either way, it sounds like you are lucky as their are plunty of people whom wouldn't care one way or the other. :) (Also, sorry if I misunderstood the first half of what you wrote, I tend to do that)
As for the second half of what you wrote, I think people just like to relate to each other. I don't know if people are trying to push away your problems as much as trying to relate to them. A lot of people don't know how to talk or are afraid of trending on the wrong feet, so they talk about the only thing that is safe, themselves. This happens in all cases with all people, and I know I do it as much as the next person. People are terrified of saying "I don't know how you feel, tell me about it," because they don't know what kind of reaction they are likely to get, and most people don't tend to notice that a good honest question usually comes with a good honest answer, and again I am guilty of this as well. I'm terrified of any and all people, and I've had to many times where people get butt hurt because I accidentally said the wrong thing or asked the wrong question. It's a matter of being shy or scared, I think, maybe less over sympathy and more being scared of sounding to sympathetic.
And here I am, reading over my comment again and again, a little to afraid that I misunderstood what you wrote or I said the wrong thing. I guess I just proved my point to myself.
I think most humans are curious by nature, we want to ask questions, we want to learn more, but by the time we're 12 mommy is already telling us that we ask to many questions and we might offend someone, so instead of asking questions maybe we instead make statements hoping to get a question answeared? I dunno!
-Joy
Problem is when I vent about NT privilege, my NT companions try to assume that all discrimination is equal. No it is.
ReplyDeletePrivilege is there and my neruo-accepted people miss it. Including my parents, and that is basicily my point. NTs try to act like they have the same problems as autists and nother alter-wired people they down play our struggle or they try act like the know what it's like by using a relation. If I go off on a "NTs are weird" tangent I am not hoping people to relate to me unless they are on the spectrum (and when I do on those tangents I make sure to vent to other HFAs or Aspies) I am not hoping for comfort I am venting and sharing my frustration.
It's not about the words. It's the intent. I am not asking for normal people to pretent to relate to me, maybe them being aware that they have an advantage.
Like I was saying to my HFA friend. Me saying "Fucking NTs" has no power or lethality compared to "Fucking Retard" I wonder how many mentally impaired people have died under those words.
NT people have power over autistic people this is apparent. Over lapping out frustration with so-called "Sympathy" is just asserting that.
of course this is my two cents...