Rev 3:15-16

‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.
-Rev 3:15-16

No one can ever be neutral when it comes to something that effects them so strongly. They have an emotional stake which tethers them into the debate. One cannot be neutral to Gay Rights, when he or she themselves is queer or have a family member or close friend that is queer. One cannot be neutral to immigration policies when one is part of immigrate community. One cannot be neutral to environmental ethics agriculture ethics when one is a farmer or a conservationist.

One cannot be neutral to disability socio-ethics when one is disabled or has a disabled family member/friend.


Picking sides and using reason to be skeptical on both ends isn't being neutral. You have a set of socio-ethics that don't change. You have a set of core beliefs that don't change when you feel they can't get you what you want. You don't warp them to fit both sides of opposing ends.

You have a side. You stand with it.

Call me militant, but I am not a fan of "neutral" stances. Especially when you can't really be neutral. If you wish to side with one side. Stick with it. If you feel the other one serves you and your family better than it's ok to the other side of the argument. But don't try to have your cake and eat it too. You can't claim to be for Gay Rights and Gay Marriage but have a copy of AFA in your bathroom or throw around "Fucking faggots" whenever you get pissed. You can't be religious freedom and then claim that Muslims shouldn't build their mosque near your neighborhood.

Hypocrisy is never pretty. But it's comfortable coat to wear. It's easy to be hypocritical it's easy to be lukewarm. I am not a stranger to waffling myself. Yet when I am told that I need to put on my big point pants and make up my damn mind. I do. If one wants to switch sides and serve another perspective because it benefits them then I see no problem with that. I won't judge them if they think B is more logical than A even though at one point the supported A. But don't say you support B but also claim to support A which have conflicting beliefs with B. Don't say you still support A even though you donate money to a B cause that works against A ethics.

Pick a Side.

Do not waver.

The Socioethics of communitive gaming

Or. How not to act like a spoiled child in game.

For those that don't know I am a live action role player also known as a LARPer ( yes I am well aware how much of a dork I am playing LARP but it's less boffer LotR and more political intrigue and noir with vampires), I play Vampire the Masquerade . It's super complex and sometimes to understand. I've been playing "Columbus in Darkness" (the name of our game) for almost a year. For an autist, playing a very heavy social game like LARP and one that is very very political in nature. Is severely tasking and I've been known to meltdown after game. It can be hell for some, but I actually love it. LARPing has been teaching me to better read facial expressions, make better eye contact and dare I say it? Learn to lie more effectively.

But I am not hear telling people how useful drama classes are or more political games like VtM for learning better passing skills. This is a caveat to players especially autists who come into a new game unprepared and very ignorant of how the game works.


And make total asses of themselves.


Enter "Karen", she is my age and probably on the spectrum (according to her) she definitely has a quirks and some social impairments. I know her actually from the Gender Variant and Queer support group that I go to once a month. She is trans like myself and I can empathize with transitioning being very very exhausting. Never the less, Karen entered the game and I was totally excited to have my characters meet hers. I play two characters, a Gangrel named Spyke.. I also play Larkin, a Toreador .

I was excited to see Karen's character concept. Was she gonna play a Malkavian, the mentally unstable, but mentally complex clan of vampires? Maybe a one of mage-clan vampires the Tremere. There was just so many paths to choose and I was excited for her. So I was kinda confused when she chose a caitiff or a clanless vampire. Now, for those that don't quiet catch it. Playing a clanless vampire in our game (we play the Camarilla sect) is pretty risky for brand new players. They are hard to play because Kindred (vampire) society looks down on them. They are considered garbage, trash, unworthy of the blood. They are hard for new players because of a sizable stigma on them and screwing up because you're still new to the game could get your character killed.

More or less, playing a caitiff is for more experience players who know the genre and the game well (despite everyone telling her, this was a bad idea and she needs to know what she is doing)

So Karen was playing a caitiff, well I kinda laughed at first thinking she was obviously pretty versed with genre, and has done this before. I also thought she had a big plan with this character. Gee was I wrong.

She was obviously PAINFULLY new to the genre of Vampire the Masquerade. She made a lot of newbie mistakes which was fine because you're totally allowed to fuck up as you go. I did that with Spyke a lot (now my excuse that Spyke was a feral vampire that came to Columbus after her mentor was brutally killed), however unlike Karen, I learned my mistakes, I learned the game. It was hard, tasking and overwhelming at points. Generally first time characters survive for about three months. I was surprised when Spyke lasted triple that time. So I knew "Theresa" was not going to last long in game. I don't think Karen understood that.

Anyway, it was apparent that Karen as a player had poor manners, and didn't understand why she was bugging people. She interrupted conversations (in and out of character), she wore blazers, but didn't cross her legs or keep them closed which was kinda gross for someone in a short skirt. She didn't try to make friends out of character, so everyone saw her as a stranger. Her own character screwed up A LOT, everything from insulting characters and getting crap knocked out of her (in game of course) and having bad manners all around (claiming to be professional and then walk around with a two liter bottle of cows blood doesn't really work, also telling folks you drink cows blood is like telling vegetarians you love eating meat and you don't understand why you guys would just eat plants. It's rude). The top it all off, if Theresa was new to Kindred society people wouldn't have been hard on her. The deal was, Karen made her already a member of the sect that we played (Camarilla) so her character should know all the rules of society and have proper manner for interacting. Making her screw ups FAR more grievous than if she was recently embraced (turned into a vampire). More or less Theresa was going to be killed for screwing up too much, and we thought that it would be lesson learned and Karen would make a character more appropriate for a new player and continue to play. Shit happens right?

I was again wrong.

Last night as I came in, I found Karen by the sign in table. She looked stiff (she always does) and seemed to be waiting for something. So greeted her:
Me: Hey Karen, did you sign in? :D
Karen: No I am leaving the LARP for good :| I am just here to tell that to STs (Storytellers they are kinda like the moderators of the game)
Me: D: aww, I am sorry, well good luck then

And instead of just leaving she hung around waiting for my boyfriend to show up so she can give him her contact info (he didn't until much later but she left leaving me her info). I didn't know why she couldn't email the STs or something. I didn't bother to ask why she was leaving. Though I had a sneaking suspicion.

Before game day, Bonnie's character Ryan wrote a scathing letter to Theresa for her misbehavior during very very important event. Now I must remind my readers, this is all RP this isn't really Bonnie has no issues with Karen, however her character hates Theresa. What I found out later that night, is that is why Karen left the game. She didn't know about the letter until that night. She decided, instead of handing the situation with grace, to throw a fit like a child. She insulted the players, the game and generally made a stink of it. And then flounced off.

Here is the tally for those that are keeping score
-She is playing a very DIFFICULT character not one for new players
-She is new to game and doesn't know all the rules and doesn't ask for help
-Her character continue to make the same mistakes over and over wearing everyone's patience down.
-She decides people suck and she acts like a child when she realizes that this isn't her cup of tea.

Conclusion: I have absolutely no sympathy for her and I hope the doesn't come back until she matures as person an as a player.

Folks this isn't about RP. This long TL;DR example is what it means to have personal responsibility. You do not go into something without knowing the consequences. You learn from your mistakes and be accountable for your actions. We tried to help Karen, we gave her advice, we told her how to access the STs for help get on the IC and OOC email lists. We wanted Karen to be a cool and valued player, but she never took a step back and said:
"This really isn't my cup of tea, I don't think I like LARPing...I am gonna quit sorry and good luck to folks"
or
"I am having trouble with this, I think it's best if I retired Theresa and play a more flexible character."
or
"I am taking a break for a few weeks, just to clear my head."

Instead once she realized she couldn't cut it. She blamed everyone else and acted liked it was our fault that her character was getting her ass kicked. Dude....you signed up for this. We even threw you a lifesaver. This is immature, willful and pretty damn typical.

Especially for autists.

I've seen this behavior in AFF and several blogs. So the question is raised. When is it justified to hold the actions of NTs, and the government accountable to misfortunes, personal or public, and when it is appropriate to take accountability for oneself and be change that you would like to see? The problem is that I see lot of autists blame NT parents, teachers, spouses, their disability the government. I don't see a lot of autists taking a step back an realize that they could improve things themselves but be responsible and changing their own behavior. Understanding ones flaws is a sign of maturity. Realizing that some behaviors can't have the "autism card" pulled on when being called on (IE: I know an AFF member who harassed his female co-workers, he used his autism and them being NT and not "understand" as a excuse" ). Realizing some shit isn't cool an working to change it is important. It's not being "submissive" to NTs (as one autist accused me off), it's about realizing that being an asshole isn't an autistic symptom.

A good autists realizes that sexually harassing co-workers, making racists comments, crying wolf when "trolls" are really people that disagree with you, is inappropriate and seeks to correct behaviors without blaming people or one's autism.

A good LARPer would realize playing very difficult character is a bad idea with inexperience and will play something easier to learn the game

A superb RPer would turn the caitiff into a Ventrue that doesn't know she is clanless, make her in charge of several Non-profits be a totally HBIC, give her some awesome influences and abilities and finds out that she is clanless and totally freaks the fuck out!

What that's what I would do if I played Theresa.....

Stepping Forward

The lack of posting is mostly my fault (obviously). I have been dealing with a lot heavey emotional stuff including transidenity, my father's verbal and emotional abuse, work and dealing with the constant flow of life around me.

Because of this, my blog has little attention if December is any proof. I hate making resoultions because I could never keep them and they end up becoming more like empty promises. However, I will make an effort to post more stuff here besides art dumps and geek stuff. Hopefully I'll finish that essay I have on "Changling culture" and another post on passing as NT vrs passing as a man. I will have to do more post on my volunteer work "Tanya" but will see how that goes and Yes...more Tikaani art/fiction.

I might also start re-writing some old posts. So question? What posts of mine would you like to see redone?

Shutdowns

This pass week has been very intensive. Thursday being the most with me teaching Melanie's class on how to write autistic characters and as well as helping adults during the OAADD conference. Over all my activism has been at 11 all week. Today though I'll be seeing my favorite author. So no activism today :3

However this topic isn't about those two things but about Nov 1 communication shutdown. I am honestly rather skeptical about this. Mostly because if feels like a half bake idea. Sure for one day people are going to be frazzled without Twitter or Facebook. But that's not going to illicit the empathy needed to understand the communication blocks we autists experience. Mostly because it's easy to get around also it's only got one day.

For use communication blocks are forever and not something you can easily get around. Many of use can't talk, and have trouble using computers and for us communication is an effort, but we've always seem to find creative ways of doing it and doing it well.

Honestly this idea sounds so half-baked I wonder of the NT that thought of it can really attempt to understand the frustration of speaking a language that know one could understand.

All Myths Are Truth

Or the existence of autistic adults and why deniers are plugging their ears.

Being an Autistic adult feels like being a fantastic creature. We don't exist to some people and once we show up they all rationalize and swallow themselves up in denial. I wonder if they would believe me if show them my spiral horn and feathery wings? Don't answer that, that was rhetorical.

Anne Dachel once again shows up in LBRB with the same short of bullshit that you hear every other white privileged denialist spew out from their botoxed lips. "WHERE ARE THE AUTISTIC ADULTS?!" As many said previously and I aim to do some repetition.

They are not hard to find. Just look in the institutions where many a severe autist is shoved into lysol scented halls like a bad sweater that your Aunt Jo gave you last Christmas. Just look in the prisons for the autists, or the schools. Trust me Dachel they are not invisible.

But low and behold to you they are invisible unicorns or faeries or some other "changeling" metaphor. Thusly many of us are drowning in a massive flood of financial chaos with no end in sight. While your autistic spawn is still sucking your breast, carefully wrapped in layers of Early Intervention, IEP and Feeding Programs to ensure your brood doesn't join the seething mass of the lot that wasn't fortunate. Well sucks to be you, because despite your hard sorted efforts to normalize your kid. Once he turns eighteen the gonna be fucked like the rest of us. Especially while he struggles to keep all his autistic behaviors under the bed and out of sight like cheap vibrator gotten from the Porno Store on the I-70. He's going to loose girlfriends(Or Boyfriends), he's going to get fucked over in jobs. He going to struggle. Hard. And while you rationalize that he's only "Mildly" autistic and push him to try harder while he keeps asking for some sort of help or support. He's going to try find a way to get help or a way out. Hopefully the latter isn't a 9mm.

Lets just face it. Your brat is gonna be one of us. One the many that is giving you the finger and telling your shut your airholes. He will either join us, go against us or lie in apathy and malcontent. One of the three. You're kid is probably 2...3...or even 4. But it's time to start thinking about what kind of safety net you will give him. It's time to get him that net, just in case.

You have no idea if he will be self-significant enough, and it's always to good to be practical.

Art Spam and thoughts on Bullying

Drakkani: Male, Age: 20, Clan(Dia): Stormwake. 

Notes taken by Dr. Jakob Tate.

Drakkhani legs are perfectly designed to grip and hold onto rock ledges. They are also strong enough or mortally wound humans.

Dr Jakob Tate (Xenoanthropologist) 

Satyr doodles



I read Amanda's post response to a fellow autistic blogger's post about disappearing off the hub because of cyberbullying. Now I'll straight up say that I believe bullying is nothing to laugh at and neither is trolling. Yet as someone who has skin thick enough to rival an elephant I can't help but lift my eyebrow in scrutiny.

Bullying is serious, but from what I have seen on the Internet. Bullying is also someone what subjective. There is a joke among some LJ communities stating. "Trolling to some people, is just someone disagreeing with you." Which is really true in many communities. If someone passionately disagrees with you (as we've seen with the cure/no cure binary) one is labeled as a troll and thusly his opinion is dismissed. This honestly makes me really really skeptical when people crying 'TROLL' because after being around /b/ (Internet Hell) for sometime (read forever). I tend to have very picky POV on what constitutes as trolling. Unless someone spammed your blog with dead baby pics and goatsee and lemon-party images. Then it's probably not as bad as you dramatized. I have had /b/ troll me. I completely friend locked my LJ and later my Gmail was spammed bombed. Did I write a huge post stating all this?

Fuck no. I don't see a reason in giving the dickheads any satisfaction that they got to me. I left DeviantART(I've been there fore six years btw) because of trolling. I didn't write a huge flouncy post bawwwing about the trolls, I just left. Problem is from what I see, some people like the attention. They like being the victim. Now I am not saying that SBWG and Kowalski are attention-whores. I am sure that their situation is really different. I am just reporting what I have seen in the last 9 years I've been cyberdiving surfing on the Interwebs. People love being the victim. Moms with autsitic children are the perfect example. Aspergers do the same thing. I have seem people wave their arms about online proclaiming. "LOOK AT ME! I AM BEING HARASSED!!!" You might as well just put a target on your ass.

Trolling is serious but, jumping up and down claiming that some wanker is bugging you is just as bad IMO. I don't acknowledge serious trolls. I don't masturbate to the attention of being a victim. That is why I am self-advocate. I am sick of being the victim.

AH fuckit!

I am just so pissy today. I just want to break something, scream, stim for hours. I don't feel like eating or drawing really, except for this mood-doodle of Tikaani. I don't know why, but god I just feel like shit.

Rawrrawr!

For those who want a life update, I am off of insurance (BOOO) and I am out of meds (DAMNIT) so I have been taking Tyleno PM to get to sleep. It's lovely side effects is me waking up with upset tummy and drinking pepto. I don't know if I am having withdrawl or I am on my invisible period or I am just being a moody aspie.

My dad is working with Aztec-Zenaca the makers of Seroquel, in an attempt to get me on their drug program so I can get my pills for free. If I pass then I can get the medication I need. I still need to call MR/DD and ask for an appeal since I was rejected and then I need to sit down with both my mom and dad and work out some goals for the next year or two.

*grumpgrumpgrump*

I wish I had mom to give me a hug right now. I really need one ):

This just makes me feel weird

Am I the only one who has the O.o face through this thread?

Honestly some days after reading so many news articles that have headlines like "Autisic boy kills mother" or "autistic boy charged with assult" or the like. I rather have the "Happy sunshine" trope than the "Souless monster trope" 

Autism is no walk in the park at all, but I rather have sunshine and roses portrayal than the ones I see all the time. 

ACHTUNG!

Dear Autists,

Please, stop comparing yourself to Black Civil rights movement, to the Gay rights movement to the persecution of gypsies/native peoples/black people/air nomads etc.

If you want to compare yourself to anything try the Deaf Movement. But seriously I am sick of the Oppression Olympics here.

Bard.

ಠ_ಠ

Just something that was bugging me lately. 

Dear Supervisor.

Telling your disabled co-worker that "if I was normal I would have been let-off a month ago" is very disrespectful and inappropriate. You don't tell your black co-workers "if you were white and making the same mistakes you are doing now we would have fired you" Why would you say that to me? 

I don't know if I am over reading it. But using my disability as the only reason for keeping me around is a bit insulting. It's like you are pitying me. What kind of message do you want to send to the kids? That you play your cards right, you might get stuck in a jantorial position kissing ass and being used as a mascot.

Look at the adorable retard awww.

I get that you want to see me succed and was it was great when you were working with me instead of for me. But why can't you treat me as an equal?" 

Too damn old for this

Bard. 

Expenses and Pin-holing

HURP DURP

I had the wrong address on my chip in thing. HUUUUUR it's correct now. 

As of late things have been really tough and I would like to talk about my job but I am having a communication block with it so I don't know if I would be literate enough and it didn't just come down to WHARGLGARBLE!

You probably also notice the little donation button on the top of my page. That is the Seroquel Fund. I am raising $90 dollars so I can have the money I need to buy my pills. These are not life or death, but the money generated get me my meds needed to dissolve the paranoia and anxiety I have. Pills are $30 for thirty pills, Thats a buck a pill. HELLLL NOOOOO. I will be looking into generics to replace the seroquel monkey on my back. But in the mean time

Help a sistah out.


It was simple work. Load boxes into carriage, take them out. Tikaani had no problem with doing the task. But was boring. He could have been learning how to follow people undetected or re-reading old texts on rituals in the South Pole for calling upon spirits. Instead the was stuck with getting boxes from the docks and carrying back. He might as well be an ostrich-horse.

This opening fiction starts off our topic on dumbing down and pin-holing disabled folks in menial jobs.

I've seen a lot of intelligent autistic men and women get stuck in these dead-end or very laborious jobs with no real reason besides. "Well this all I can do." It's something I experienced going through the job wheel and getting jammed into simple jobs that I had no interest in. Also, these were jobs that I wasn't good at either but I had no choice.

Many autists are getting very little training and BVR is a joke. What's worse is that our splinter skills are hard to place. It's a recipe for disaster. Poor social services and very complex and individual autists equals: Crap jobs that isn't enough to pay for services needed.

Not all of use end up as professors, nor IT. Kim's post explains it more.

It also goes into the whole stereotype that labor based jobs are the only jobs that DD folks can preform with limited cognitive skills, it also seems that to be the case for high fuctioning autists but not for the same reasons. 

It's a hot mess. 

I'm just gonna say it

I am not special. I am not a unique or precious. I am autistic, but having a fraking disorder doesn't make me 'special' or 'wonderful' I have days where I wish to be cured. I really do. I don't say that often because of individuals who are too busy worshiping themselves and saying stuff like that isn't kosher.

But seriously. I hate being autistic somedays. I wish I wasn't, and I am sick to death of people glorifying it.

I work hard for disability rights, so people like us can find the things we need to survive. Not for the little shits to sit upon and preen themselves and go on about how awesome we are.

Fuck you.

Shake, Stir and Oppress.

Before we go into the huge discussion today, I do want to brief on an another adventure of the “Teacup Werewolf” and the school she works at.

I am honestly not feeling. I feel dizzy and shivery, it had a headache early today and it was at the point that I pretty much collapsed on the ground. The mask fell off and I just curled up under a table and covered my head at every loud noise and tried to hide from the sunlight. I lost verbal speech and used a note pat to communicate. It was pretty agonizing, like usual the teachers were spot on and assisted me well. Erin encouraged me to head home, she called my sister Katie and told her what happened. Long story short I got on the bus and went home. I didn't leave “early” but I didn't finish work either. It was irritating but something I could manage. Then I decided over-read after being on this thread in LiveJournal.

Which brings into this topic.

I wonder how many abled people and Neuro-accepted people notice their privilege? Would my boss, E would be so kind to me if I was NT? Would she be understanding if was on the same social system as the other co-workers? Was she be being kind and understanding because of my autism? I had a lot of these questions as I sit with my laptop and drinking soy milk. Trying to deal with my headache and feelings of inadequacy. While I think she may have acted the same if I didn't have a disability, (I like to believe so) I feel that neuro-typicals have a lot of privilege that they tend to soak up a good deal.

What kinda of privilege you may ask well the biggest one I see is the fact that when an autists states: “Oh I am autistic” people respond, “Oh I have child/student/client/cousin...etc who has autism.” Why do they do this? Is this some stupid attempt in trying to find some empathy with us? Really? Stop it. It doesn't work it's frustrating because I don't care who you have a relationship with. It doesn't make you more knowledgeable or on the same level. Parents do it all the damn time.

They also play the game of “Oh I feel like that too” as well when I talk about having panic attacks or overloads. They act like everyone has episodes when cognitive thought goes out the window and you're struggling to communicate. They brush it and act like they know exactly what I am going through. No you don't. Yes many NT's have issues in similar strands, but when they act like it's “No big deal”
and try to play it off that everyone has “bad-days” I get irritated. You damn dare brush off the issues I face as autistic person buy down playing them and act like I am not really autistic and that my moments when speaking is almost impossible and I need to be forcibly calmed down during moments of cognitive unrest, is the same when you panic or have a bad day. No it isn't. I can't function or need help. You probably could. Now I am not talking to people that have panic attacks and moments of pyschosis, but the yuppie white middle class therapists who pull the everyone is disabled card. No not everyone is disabled and it just another symptom of abled privilege. You don't need to worry about finding a job that tolerate your meltdowns when everything overloads you at once, or if it's wheelchair accessible or has accessibility for the hearing impaired. You don't worry about aids and resources you need to keep independent. Or if insurance will accept you or how would cops react when your rock back and forth or sway your body.

NT people need to step back and admit their privilege and try to learn a bit more about autistic issues and disability issues. Stop trying to use a relation to empathize, you can't. Stop down playing or try to normalize us and try to make us fit in your box of what is abled and what isn't. Do try to ask questions, don't try to minimize our frustration when resent NT and NT culture.

I get frustrated a lot when I vent or try to say something and people over lap it with how they feel. They one how autists lack empathy but to be honest. NTs are more egocentric than we can ever be.

Pro-cure autists.

As much as many want to believe a lot of autists don't feel the same way as neuro-ds do. Many of them fall in to the dissonance of loathing and deprivation. Though this is pitiable and sometimes rather pathetic. It's understandable that they like parents when they find out their children are autistic that they too go through a grieving process.

The "autie" version of Curbie Bingo shows many examples of autists discriminating against other autists and autistic self-hate. Though I reciprocate much of their hurt and confusion a world that is so discriminating. But separating yourself from your diagnosis and hunting for the "unicorn" that is the cure, is really disappointing. Why? Because your setting yourself up for a "cure" is really succumbing to the lies of the neurotypical society and letting yourself be cowed by outside pressures. While I may be pro-choice when it comes to cure and I will not stop anyone from looking for a cure. I will however, pity those that do and hope that they will find happiness even it means for something that doesn't exist and placebo effects.

Acceptance does not mean no treatment. It means having courage to change what you can and they serenity and grace to accept the things you can't change. To pull something from Disney's Gargoyles; Hudson, an elder gargoyle said to the younger trio, that A gargoyle cannot stop protecting the castle as it cannot stop breathing the air (I think), in that same tangent an autist cannot stop being autistic in the manner we cannot stop breathing the air.

I am whole

The screaming from Ollie's locked bedroom could be heard all over the home he is residing at. The 18 year old autistic telekinetic boy's tantrum was over on one thing. Someone took his game boy away. It was the only thing that brought him comfort and it was taken from him. Mr. Whicker noticed that the lock was starting to break. It won't belong out of confusion and frustration, Ollie would psychically break the door down.


Hanai spent two an half hours with Tikaani as he spent that time vomiting and crying, his fever will not break and the healers could break it. Maka had his fourteen year old nephew in his arms as the flu ravaged him. Occasionally out of anger and sickness Tikaani will scream and break something or try to run outside into the snow to cool off. Hanai sat beside him brushing the hair out of his eyes as he made to drink boiled water. Maka looked at his wife with a fear. Will this be the end of their foster son?

Opening paragraphs are from Ollie, a character set in alternate earth, he and two others are gifted with superpowers and call themselves the league of misfits. The other is of Tikaani.

Why would I write something so depressing? Especially since I am so hopeful and confident. This is less "emo" and more reflection.

Out of many neurodiversity blogs out there. They all seem to have this whirlwind optimism. Many are established adults with jobs, or stable income or college kids with a secure environment. Some are self-dx with no legal repercussions of their pasted on diagnosis. Others are formal and have files in their hospitals.

What I am addressing is despite being whole we are not always in constant state of happy gung-ho pride. I will say since no one else will, at least on my end of the camp. Autism does suck. I am not saying that out of depression. I am stating a real truth. Autism does suck, not all the time but it's not something to constantly glorified and "inb4thebutthurt" of people in the "BUT I DON'T GLORIFIY IT!!!!one11!" But I have yet to see people admit that being developmentally disabled does blow a little.

People however love to blame others, mostly neurotypicals saying that it's society's fault that we have it so rough. Yes the social structure is one problem. But if you put a bunch of auties from around the spectrum together on a deserted island, there are going to be just as many problems with that than solutions. The world doesn't suddenly make sense if we're all in one room. We have no standard mode of operating and because of our various social skill level were going to be missing important cues and most likely argue and fight out of frustration, this will go along a for a long while until we figure out how to a set an strong routine. However if we all end up stuck on AutIsland, and we do figure out a structure. You bet your momma's spaghetti that goverment will hold together. Most of us are stickers for the rules.

Which proves that everything has a dark and light side. While I may say Autism sucks (occasionally) and that not everything can be blamed on other people. I do see good from my disability. However I feel I do not have an autie talent, if anything I am rather plain. My art skills are mediocre and my writing is on that same level. I have a lot of flaws but nothing to really balance it. So it seems.

While there are bad days as the first to show, there are good days. Find them and celebrating them is important just recognizing the "autism sucks" days.

Backup "Dehumanizing is all the rage"

(Opening fiction with Tikaani)

Hanai tried to get Tikaani to stop crying and screaming. His face screwed up with a look of desperate fear and worry. The stares of his people go ignored as has pulled his long black hair. Hanai also ignored the whisperes and stares of others, too concerned with getting Tikaani to process the information that was overwhelming him. He pointed a suede covered mitten at the large animal in front of him. He made another shriek and waved his hands as if to push the buffaloyak away. The rider on top scolded him and berated Hanai. After all the frustration from both Tikaani's meltdown and the rider on top, Hanai shouted.
"Just move along! He is terrified of buffaloyaks! He is telling you to leave!"

Hanai watched as the rider blinked back suddenly and rode off. Once Tikaani saw that he was gone, the six year old water tribeboy calmed down finally, humming and flapping his hands. Hanai picked him up and carried him thinking.

No body listens to those who don't speak their language.

The opening fiction depicts the ever common "autie-meltdown", Hanai tries to get her nephew to calm down but he can't as his phobia is staring him in his face. When the buffaloyak leaves Tikaani finally settles. But Hanai wonders why the man riding on him doesn't leave him alone...

It the old condrum of us being able to have something to say or communicate and no one bothers to listen to it. Autism Speaks of course in their wave of ignorant glory, flavored with NYC Ransom notes styled ominous voice over, they put this as their new inspirational video. It inspiries of course parents and teachers and non-autists who are meer observers and infuriates the autists themselves as they roll their eyes and as Kel Mitchelle once said "Awww here it goes!"

This is of course is just ANOTHER underhanded self-serving tactic of AutSpks. Dehumanization is rampant among groups like "Generation Rescue" and "Defeat Autism Now". They keep separtating the autism from the indiviual and that is not how it works. I am speaking only for myself, but many others share the seditment. This sort of mentality is why many autistic children perish in acts of desperation and matyrism. Parents are put on this stage of pity and victimization and autistic children become some sort of scapegoat for unhappy parents that realize that they child they want is not the one they got.

They last bit of the video of course is all for the parents as they gather around the autistic child acting that they will do anything to help they child, like crushing their identity and molding them into something that they are not. Everyone else knows that AutSpks is for NTs not for Autism, the real voice of autism isn't the self-loving parents hogging the lime light whist their autistic child struggles all through their childhood then drown in a sea of lowered expecations and a society hell-bent on turning a "llama" into a "sheep." And if they autist is lucky, he might find happiness and peace with someone or with what makes him happy if not he or she might turn into a bitter misanthropic indiviual that prefers the soliditute of his basement.

Autism rights isn't about glorfying autism. It's about letting our words be heard so we can make our own choices. NT's don't have a say on what we need, we do. And it's about time someone hears that.

Bard.