Stepping Forward

The lack of posting is mostly my fault (obviously). I have been dealing with a lot heavey emotional stuff including transidenity, my father's verbal and emotional abuse, work and dealing with the constant flow of life around me.

Because of this, my blog has little attention if December is any proof. I hate making resoultions because I could never keep them and they end up becoming more like empty promises. However, I will make an effort to post more stuff here besides art dumps and geek stuff. Hopefully I'll finish that essay I have on "Changling culture" and another post on passing as NT vrs passing as a man. I will have to do more post on my volunteer work "Tanya" but will see how that goes and Yes...more Tikaani art/fiction.

I might also start re-writing some old posts. So question? What posts of mine would you like to see redone?

The Deluge

At the AutSpks protest I thought I would be strong enough to stand against the feelings of fear and hurt. Instead during wave of insults being flooded I crumbled during the deluge. There were many many moments I had to find shade and cover myself with coats to destress and cool down.

By the end of the protest I was so emotionally drained I just wanted to go home. I hard to stand strong and courageous when others think you are not good enough to.

They have no idea that I was struggling to remain verbal and clear that I was losing cognative response that I was falling apart in the most terrible way possible. They call me named and shouted at me and I could just stand their holding up signs and standing tall

While deep down I was really drowning.

This protest made me for the first time wonder why I am doing this, if what I am doing is even right. And if I am going to be swept away by the deluge of hate, ignorance and justification of genocide. Sometimes I really hate being autistic, sometimes I wish I wasn't

yet despite the feelings of fear and wishful thinking.

I never want to see my students go through what I went through and to stand against the flood.

Cross disability thoughts: Seeking out connections

Multiple Perspectives was Wednesday on the twenty-eighth. Our ASAN chapter was invited to talk about self-advocacy, employment and education. It was interesting to talk to the ADA about viewpoint as self-advocating autists (and yes I nearly went into overload). Yet something reached me as sat and had lunch with several people from different disability groups. Something that I've talked about but never really discussed, especially for Blogging against Disabilism day.

What about cross-disability politics and even cross-disability ableism? We're naive to think that every disabled person is going to empathize with someone different disability. That a person with a mobility impairment is going to understand the stress of someone who is deaf and someone with borderline personality disorder is going to understand someone with dwarfism. It's not possible. It's human to find disconnect with different sub-groups with in a minority. I've seen the ableism even with in HFA/LFA dichotomy. I've talked about before. I've seen ableism from autists against those with psychoses. Especially against those that for anti-psychiatry. They too feed into the stigma and stereotypes. In the same breath I've seen people with mild psychoses judge those with severe intellectual impaired people. I've seen people with visible physical disabilities make harsh statements against those with mental impairments of all kinds.

I could go on and on and on, yet despite talking in an oroboric cycle I feel that I won't make my point clear. My point in a succinct fashion is that normal typical people are not the only people that are ableist. Ableism permeates within the disabled community much like ink within a pool of water. It's not a just a typical/normal/abled person issue it's a human issue. I know, I know I am preaching to the choir, but I feel I need to call this out.

The human aspect of not finding a connection and repelling against those with a different disability. Is something we shouldn't fixate on. Human nature is human nature. What we should do is find connections that are their. Someone with a wheelchair or a mobility impairment; should understand the frustration that a little person feels when they can't reach or obtain something without help. A deaf adult could empathize with a nonverbal autist struggling to communicate with his family. The connections are their, we just have to seek them out.

I've seen the connections in action. I've seen a man with hydrocephalus discuss neuro-diversity. Something I thought was an autist only phenomenon. I've seen TASH and other groups rise up against AutSpks. My best friend with borderline supports my autism rights activism. My schizophrenic best friend, fist bumps me when I tell him about the new laws to help mentally impaired kids. These connections are vital, and something we should strive to maintain. We should advocate for each other and find the necessary common ground to fight against ableism in typical society. Only if we stand together could we make major difference. Yet we need to address the ableism within and solve that as well. We need to stop the ideaism that one disability is better than another and that certain disability groups shouldn't exist.

Disability right are human rights. And there is ableism within disability groups.