Ahh, It's that time of the year again

This is only going to get awkward from here on out. Everyone knows tomorrow is Autism Awareness month. The time of the year I sit on the blogosphere and drink cider and beer until I pass out. I frankly hate autism awareness month because it just a clusterfuck of 'feel-good' matyrism posts, AutSpks propaganda, counter protests from the autistic activists and aspies chiming in with aut-supremicy. Either way you look at it. It's fucking ridic. Dear friends however, please please don't light it up blue this month. I ask of you as your autistic friend. AutSpks does not help autistics they help NT families. Less than 2% of the money they raise goes into community services, most of it goes into 'research' or into the pockets of the board executives. They use propaganda to make us into tragic figures and strip autistics of humanity. They are not a charity. They are a corporation masquerading as a charity. Dear friends if you wish to help autistics and support them. You can donate to these charities. TASH NYLN ASAN These organizations help people with disabilities by supporting inclusion, training and support tools. Please I simply ask my dear friends to research who they are giving their money too. You never know what organization that charity is.

VLog: Problem with Goldilocks Rhetoric

Vlog: Rant on Passing

BRB with post

Thoughts on "Horse Boy"

I heard about this book months ago at the library, and the premised sounded interesting. Of course I did lift a huge eyebrow on a shamanic horseback ride in Mongolia with their autistic son. That made me go "Oh. White people."

Hate it when privilege families do this crap.

I do have my linger doubts about this movie as an autist and one that is also a shamanic path. I am curious to see how much of this is hokey New Age and White privilege and how much of it is genuine love and an acceptance with a dash of spiritualism.

Now, I will say, I find horse-back riding to be powerfully soothing and it's probably the only natural talent I have, it doesn't make my symptoms go away, but it does allow me to think, and be as I am. I could give up all my meds, to be riding regularly again. I miss riding a lot.


The beginning of course starts off with the typical 'Autism ruin us and our child blah blah we tried everything blah blah nothing work, we were desperate." I wasn't terribly intrigued with that.


Though hearing Rupert go on about how Rowan was calmer and opened up to him on horse back was kinda interesting, I thought to myself "Hippotherapy could be us-oh." Then he mentioned he wanted use shamanic healing because he had experience with it when he was in Africa. Oh. Well. At least his wife had some common sense. But they did decide to go Mongolia to travel on horse back to he shaman after shaman and being crazy white people with shit tons of money Christ


They give this kid Valtrex really. Oh they believe in the "Heavy Metals" shit. Great....


I have to admit though, the drumming by the shamans sound like a horse galloping, I was getting really into it. However I kinda rolled my eyes, as they describe that the spirit of Kristin's grandmother was on Rowan, according to the shamans and she is bi-polar, and trying to "take their son away?" Good God.

Quote: "I had to ask myself, did really have his best interest at heart? Was I terrible father?"

Oh Jesus Christ on a Cracker. You dragged our autistic kid to Mongolia. For whacky shamanic crap and you decide that this time was good idea to matyrize. Spirits of the earth...please help me.

Well at least Rowan got use to the shamanic ritual and chilled out, nice adjustment little bro, however I kinda felt bad for Tomo the little Mongolian boy who seemed put off by Rowan. However his interaction with him is endearing and seeing him doing more play with him is nice. Maybe I am jealous because I played by myself and I never liked playing with others. Mostly because I jut got sick of being the "retard".

Though the whole thing with auties being one of the reason humanity is successful is nice little ego boost. THANKS TEMPLE! Rowan is supper cute with the goats though. However when he reject the horse-riding I did feel for Rupert a bit. But...At the same time. Why didn't Rupert let Rowan easy himself on the horse? Let Rowan get to know his partner? It felt like the forced him on the horse. It was bit...jarring.

Eventually Rowan did calm himself while riding and I think this line touched me
Quote:" I am a better father because of his autism." Awww that is kinda cute.

The part of the reindeer herders that live on the Siberian border, is kinda...cute. Over all I was expecting the same, spiritual mumbo jumbo. What I got was something that didn't surprise me, but still made me happy. The reindeer herder believed that Rowan could be a shaman in the future. This brought a grin to my face, because it's common for some indigenous cultures to believe autists could be shamans and that they are different because they are more spiritually attuned to the earth. Personally I rather take that tripe over poisons by vaccines. As a shaman myself, this is kinda encouraging.

Near the end, the shaman said to Rupert and Kristin, that Rowan's incontinence and meltdowns will go away immediately, after he finished healing him. I lifted an eyebrow. Yeah he maybe potty trained, but the meltdowns won't go away. However just as I expected, he was bathrooming on his own and there were more shots of him being chilled than tired and cranky. Oh ok. Was it the power of the shaman, or Rowan learning to adapt? I be the family believes the former...*shrug* I did like the prayer that Rupert gave was to intergration and understanding than a cure. Not bad.


Over all the movie was...meh. I was more annoyed at the privlege of the family than anything else. At least the movie pushed the, "Accept not cure" idea. Which was at least reassuring. Rupert said his son is still autistic but lost all the suffering that came with it and moved passed the emotional and physical incontinence through shamanism. I am still waiting for my shamanic miracle as I pray and listen to the sprirts, but then again. I don't need a miracle.

3 and half hand-flaps.

Juxtaposition

It's becoming interesting on how my disability permeates my life. How it's presents covers my everyday living. I have been pushing pasted the old barriers of my autism and continue to walk forward, and find new limits and eventually move pass them. It's a constant cycle of learning, adaptation and acceptance.

It's that acceptance that allowed me to realize something important about myself. I am not really female. I never felt happy being a woman, I do not truly hate my body however, and my dysphoria is mild compared to other trans males. But the acceptance of one aspect of myself allowed me to accept another aspect and thus I started on the path of juxtaposition. Passing as an NT and passing as a man.

Being NT and being a man are very different concepts of passing. NT is not a choice, being NT is a survival behavior an act of adaptation that is needed for independence. It's funny now passing as a man is not about survival but the purest nature of acceptance of oneself. It's exposing, unearthing my real self to the public and revealing in it's freedom. That being said I am not ready for hormonal treatment or maybe I will never go through with hormonal transitioning. It's up the air, but now that I feel much more comfortable as a trans male. It made me realize why it too so long. It had to do with passing as an NT.

As I stated earlier being NT isn't unearthing oneself and finding joy in letting go of a mask. Never wearing it again. Being NT is about putting on the mask. It's about lying, beguiling the rest of NT society. The idea of mask wearing of making sure my true autie nature didn't bleed through is what kept me from realizing that passing as a woman wasn't making me happy. But I had to pretend to be female to use my woman body to fit in. I kept making excuses to why I wasn't happy as a woman. I am really bigendered, I am mostly male but I am female too. They were excuses. Rationalizations because coming to grips with the fact I am a man was very tedious process. It was cathartic when I did finally start identifying and accepting the fact I am a man. It was a relief. The acceptance of my autism has becoming a blueprint to accepting and living as a trans-man. I found other autists that are trans male they became role models. The process was long and going against the lessons I learned as mask wearing autist. Yet now, it's done.

As a child, you learn from a young age that no body wants you to be yourself. No body wants you to be who you are. When people tell you, "it's ok to be you" it's a social lie. Being who you are when you are born different, autistic, learning-disabled, gay, trans, inter-sexed, deaf etc, is dangerous. Look at the countless people that have committed suicide over their difference. Human culture doesn't want diversity, they don't want acceptance. They want conformity under the lie that diversity is ok. They want people to feel comfy that it's ok to be different, or that...their difference is ok while the others are not. It's vile. We grow up being told one thing and then the opposite. No wonder everything is such a clusterfuck, how can we move forward with social progress when everything is so juxtaposed. How can we create a society that will not harm countless of children with different identities when we have such polar concepts? How can we cry that we love diversity and that it is good when at the same time when abusing and oppressing anything that is diverse? It's a paradox.

And one that will eventually undo us.

April 1: Autism Acceptance

Day one of the April_Drawing challenge



I had plans for this to be Tikaani but instead I tried another fictional autie of mine. Wilson.

Notes for today:
Autism acceptance today for me is more than being proud of my alter-neurology but something a little more broader. It's accepting the fact that I do have pervasive, and sometimes obstructive disability. It's the reason I have hard time keeping relationships (including my marriage) keeping a job, and many other things (like learning to drive). It's part of me, part of my identity88 part of my nature. It's not something I can remove or alter for long. Accepting one's disability and finding ways to not "conquer it" but to live with it. I think every diagnosed autist out there has those moments when your dad's 9mm in the closet up in the bedroom, seems to be a pretty decent cure. Afterall your disability won't haunt you when you're dead. But that is not the solution. Accepting yourself and who you are, will give you more comfort than fighting an uphill battle.

To me it's not about society accepting the fact that I am an autist. But myself accepting that I am autist.

To quote RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell can you love somebody else?"

April....what?

With April coming up I decided to shove another project on my plate. April Drawing. Every day on the month of April you post a drawing. It sounds like a great way to build more of my art skills and to up the stakes. I am doing it based on Autism Awareness month and I am posting them here. Some might have blurbs others might be comics and some might be doodles of everyone's favorite autist, Tikaani. But with commissions and the flyers I need to do...I am totally setting myself up for disaster. <.<

Prism*Vox and SABE summit

Listen here

Appropriatness and Happiness:

If Tikaani isn't lining up his action figures or playing with his legos, he's watching TV. Not that I mind. I can do my laundry and wash dishes without him shouting "AUNTIE!" But as of late he has been watching "Ni Hao Kai Lan". I keep asking him if he wants to watch Bey Blade or if he wants to get out his Pokemon DVDs or if he wants me to change the channel to Nat Geo. Instead, I get a whine followed by hair pulling, Tikaani-ese for "No no no no, don't do that." So I let him watch it without interruption. As much as it personally embarrassing for me to have my 16 year old to watch something meant for four year olds. I have to simply let it go. If it isn't harmful to others or himself or destructive, I can't really stop him.

Besides, the trade off is that he is learning Mandarin Chinese...that's not really a bad benefit.

((modern setting for essay purposes))

Kim wrote this weeks ago, and I decided to write a response about it. Something that really needs to be touched on as an autist.

I don't see why it is painful for a parent to see their child happy. If your seven year old is still watching Telly Tubbies and bouncing around I don't see how that is heartbreaking or tragic. I don't get why we have to have play with age appropriate games and watch age appropriate TV programs in order to be happy. I don't see why a girl can't play Tonka trucks or a boy with her sister's Barbies. Why is appropriateness and happiness have to interlock?

I guess it bothers me a bit because of the pressure to be just like our typically developing peers. That we putting pressure on kids to interact and share like interests with our peers and not just be happy with what fascinates us. I saw nothing wrong as a fifteen year old to religiously watch "Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese Cat" on PBS. I was happy and my sister and I watched it together (without fighting OhEmGee!) and it was generally a happy time after so much stress from school and Katie and I loved to watch it. Just as we both loved watching Sailor Moon (MOON PRISM POWAAAAAH!) and later Outlaw Star. Should I have been watching shows appropriate to my age and mental level? Yeah, but yet. Those shows were geared towards social protocols and cues that I was rather obvious of. I wasn't interested in who was dating who or what secret Character A was carrying. I didn't get into that until I was at least twenty. I was more interested with the story being told than all the social details. So watched cartoons like "Sagwa" and "Big Guy and Rusty" and "Astro Boy". I was into the story.

The point however is that later I did watch shows like "CSI", "Bones" and "House" which are more for my age level than cartoons. Sure it took me a while, but never the less it came. So I still obsess over cartoons than I do over TV dramas. Yet in end does it actually matter? Why is heartbreaking to see me laughing my head off or grinning like a fool? Why do you have to feel embarrassed when I am rubbing my face on plush animal or lining something up?

Why the very real joy, is the same as the very real pain? Can you answer that?

Excellent Birds

As it's World Autism Awareness day, I should write a huge egocentric piece on how I view autism. Or even a Tikaani fiction piece (BTW Casdok, I have your prompt in progress I would love to have more prompts from you others) but I decided to try my hand again on another essay that is opinion only because I am too lazy to hunt down sources from Baron-Cohen. *side glance*

Theory of mind seems to be the new "explanation" to describe autistic people. It shiny and bright and full of sophomoric reasoning that grasps the populace and continues sadly the stigma of having a alter-wired brain. I will be discussing TOM (theory of mind) and how it's simply a rehashing of the old tropes that pervaded within the autism culture.

Yesterday afternoon, I was with my ASAN chapter, we spent the afternoon going around campus passing out flyers and groaning at Autspk's 1-110 lawn posters As much as I wanted to pull them out, I realized that would look bad on us so we and our chapter ran around combating ignorance the best we could. Later that afternoon we were invited to the lecture by John Duffy from Notre Dame. The lecture was wonderful and invoking (and there was pita and humus!) which inspired this essay.

Acoording to Wikipedia Theory of Mind states this

Theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from one's own.[1] Though there are philosophical approaches to issues raised in such discussions, theory of mind as such is distinct from the philosophy of mind.

The idea is that autists have lack of this TOM or a very damaged one. With this we are quote "mindblind". Baron-Cohen idea that autistic people are mindblind brings up an anthropological context that to me is interesting. I believe everyone is rather mindblind, when it comes to cultural imperialism. We tend to assume that our culture is grand and great and over throwing a native culture is best and beneficial. We see this with White Privilege and 1st World Privileged people who think that doing missionary work or working in the deep urban areas is act of charity. That everyone should be like them and that if black people work hard enough they can escape the ghettos and have white collar jobs like them. Privileged people unfortunately are blind to the racist infrastructure that binds POC and makes it's difficult to escape. Even if they do escape, they will be discriminated for acting "white". Cultural Mindblindness is quite common.

Even Religious mindblindess. I mean look a the Christian church? They all believe that the majority of atheists, pagans, agnostics really want to be saved. Many are fiercely ignorant of said religions and that feeds into their asinine beliefs of what they really are.

Baron-Cohen uses dividing language according John Duffy, to polarize. Even though Baron-Cohen continues to backpeddle all the damn time (u guise this very simple graph I madeded isn't simple...u guiiiise? Ok I don't think he talks like a lolcat I just did it for satirical fun) One of the things I noticed the idealism that Autistics were are mindblind in the same context of say chimpanzees and other animals. I kinda lifted my eyebrow at this because I felt like this was familiar. Suddenly it occurred to me. Doesn't that sound like something out of the Tibetan Book of the Dead? I remember reading the TBotD one afternoon and reading about the bardo or realm of animals that even though animals have emotions they lack humor (In the TBotD). This is a Buddhist concept but it seems to resonate with me when was listening to John Duffy. I don't know why but I made a connection to the idea that we're mindblind like animals to the idea that human soul got stuck within the Bardo of Animals. It was honestly sophomoric, but nevertheless fascinating. Has Baron-Cohen read the TBotD?

Over all as I was listening it felt that Baron-Cohen was refilling the rhetoric of the Changeling Child. Somehow describing that we cannot connect to other humans because we are blind to their mental state is almost saying that we are "Other" or "Not human". Haven't we evolve past the 11 century Irish idea that babies are kidnapped by sidhe? Apparently not, the discourse of TOM continues to burn the bridge that autistic people are humans. Instead...I feel that TOM continues to paint us as constructs...false people.

Golems.

Bard Out.

More With the Light and Head of the Curve

Three and Four of With the Light came in today it was nice to finally get a chance to read it. My thoughts are all jumbled again so lets see how I can organize them.

The third and forth book fixed a lot of issues from the first two. It's nice to see Hikaru developing in the other books, I'll get five soon. But from I am readying Hikaru tantrums have been less then orderly and there is more conflict. There are lot of issues that Keiko brings up in the books including siblings being short-changed and something that struck a chord.

Why the hell doesn't the frigging US have jobs designed for people with ASDs? Why the hell does Japan have law design specifically for folks with DD? I don't know if the US does but if it doesn't someone needs to get on that like flies on shit. The whole deal with autistic people in the work place and reading in book four made me sad yet passionate. We Americans need to have job places like Specialestern or have centers for people on the spectrum. It seems that we're way behind on for folks that DD. I just bugs me.

As the story progresses I know discover that Hikaru also has mental disabilies but I think that is just over dramatize that Hikaru is LD of curse what autist isn't some way. Also there is an HFA boy that show up too. This as another HFA makes me giddy. But I haven't seen an asperger autist show up yet. Over all three and four still give me hope that someone out their gets it. That we need help, not a cure. A 'cure' doesn't solve anything. I want work full time without the fear of losing my job just shortly after gaining it. It's hard when stuff just seems to be....backwards. Everything is so hard even when you're on the same level was your peers (kinda) I feel always as an unequal to my fellow staff. I just feel...unbalanced. This will never go away. Maybe...it will when I my colleagues are also on the spectrum. There will be no wall that way. I don't have to 'lie' to them and say I am normal even though I am not.

I am not normal it's not bad, but it's not helping my issue.

I wish I could write to Keiko Tobe. I want to write to her, tell her how much I aspired to tell my stories with pictures as she does. About my struggles as an autist. I wish she could see this and know someone from the US want show her that our words are important.

Siblings and Autism

I had a bunch of posts lined up but I can't seem to get all my thoughts organized. Hmmm. Lets see if I can remedy that. 

At first I hated Tikaani. I was only seven when first met him. He bit me and he drooled a lot. Momma had to nurse him all the time because he would spend hours crying. He was clingy and destructive. I hated him...but I was also jealous too. 

Rahmet opens this topic tonight. He was Tikaani's cousin and Hanai's youngest son. He was also a waterbender which if you are not familar with the Avatar the Last Airbender universe, is talent in which members of the Water Tribe are able to manipulate the element of water by doing martial art stances. Tai Chi was uses as a base for Waterbending. Anyway I am getting off topic. 

He was the only member of his family beside his father Maka and his uncle Amana that can bend. So he was pretty special in his family and he did get a lot of attention and praise from his parents and uncle, and all of that was torn away when Tikaani arrived. He was no longer the center of the house. So you can imagine how bitter Rahmet was when not only did someone took away your place in the sun, but this someone: 

-Breaks your toys, screams in the middle of the night, pees in the middle of the house, steals your prized possessions, bites you and makes outings and special events almost non-existent and on top of it, all your friends now desert you. 

It was no wonder Rahmet was pretty irritated with Tikaani and bullied him often. 

It was the same for me and Katie, only I was the eldest. However because of my constant habit of causing trouble and the fact I had hard time comprehending anything, I was the butt-monkey of the family and Katie's favorite chew toy. 

This doesn't apply to me or my fictional characters. Many kids with autistic siblings feel "outsourced." They often have "Normal Kid" syndrome. In which the NT or abled child feels shadowed by their special needs sibling/s and react with jealousy or contempt. This isn't uncommon, my sisters hated me. I was the family enabler and shit-stirrer I was the one that got sent to the principle's office regularly, I embarrassed them often.  

But what about Tikaani. How did he feel about his cousins? 

Rahmet was frustrating. He always wanted to see me cry. He yelled at me for no reasons or reasons I didn't understand. He always called me names. I hated it when he pulled my hair or ruffled it and it confused him when I reacted to it with pain. I didn't know how to relate to him. I was jealous he could bend make the water dance. He gloated all the time how 'easy' it was to bend. Maybe he would like me better if I could bend. I wanted him to like me. 

Autists often feel aloof around their NT siblings. We can't relate to them and we have hard time figuring out what they want from us. My sister confessed to me one day on the way to thanksgiving that the reason she was so sarcastic and mean to me was she wanted a reaction out me since I could never react typically. I just wanted to know if she loved me. When we got older we grew up a little bit but in the end we still fight and butt heads. Yet I matured greatly and Katie gained some understanding.s

I understand why NT siblings often feel angry and sometimes can be the biggest pro-cure nut balls out there. I think deep down they are still resentful of their siblings. I think subconsciously if they were 'cured' they would be easier to understand than easy to dislike. In the same concept I can understand why autists feel so frustrated and apathetic to their NT sibs. They seem to  no understand the principle of being disabled. Or the frustration of being "Llama" among other sheep. They can't empathize with use and we in return can seem get them to understand.

It's vicious cycle of bitterness and disconnect and it affects siblings of all ages. While the media paints a sweet picture of siblings wanting to help their siblings and love them. They miss the fighting and arguing, tantrum and bulling that goes behind scenes. I wouldn't be surprised that some siblings when the find out that their autistic brother and sister goes missing, subconsciously wish that they never come back. It's common. Not pretty and sweet but it's honest. 

So what can we do to connect the NT and and the autistic siblings. The first thing is to admit that not everything is going to be perfect. The second is forgiveness. I forgave Katie, Katie forgave me. We're a lot better together now that we're not living under the same roof. Which will probably help thing with other siblings. Not competing for the same affection and affirmations makes life a lot less stressful. Eventually with time, we can learn from our past mistakes and walk forward. Heck I even forgave Katie for admitting if she had an autistic child she would put it up for adoption, brave of her to state, but not something you would mention to your autistic sister, really. That was classy Katie <.< 

So what about Tikaani and Rahmet? 

Now? I am Tikaani's greatest advocate. I grew up. I spent most of my time with Shaman Jaki when I was thirteen. I studied all the time and I found strength with my faith in the ocean spirit Tui. With that I was able to shed my disdain and finally see the beauty inside my cousin. I started to appreciate his laughter, the way he rocked and wiggled his hands. As I and he grew I wanted nothing more than to be his strength. I still get frustrated with him and I feel like some days I should just jump in a canal. Yet I despite those days I wake up and start the day knowing that Tui made him for a reason and perhaps it's to teach me imperfect beauty. 

Something to think about. 

Pro-cure autists.

As much as many want to believe a lot of autists don't feel the same way as neuro-ds do. Many of them fall in to the dissonance of loathing and deprivation. Though this is pitiable and sometimes rather pathetic. It's understandable that they like parents when they find out their children are autistic that they too go through a grieving process.

The "autie" version of Curbie Bingo shows many examples of autists discriminating against other autists and autistic self-hate. Though I reciprocate much of their hurt and confusion a world that is so discriminating. But separating yourself from your diagnosis and hunting for the "unicorn" that is the cure, is really disappointing. Why? Because your setting yourself up for a "cure" is really succumbing to the lies of the neurotypical society and letting yourself be cowed by outside pressures. While I may be pro-choice when it comes to cure and I will not stop anyone from looking for a cure. I will however, pity those that do and hope that they will find happiness even it means for something that doesn't exist and placebo effects.

Acceptance does not mean no treatment. It means having courage to change what you can and they serenity and grace to accept the things you can't change. To pull something from Disney's Gargoyles; Hudson, an elder gargoyle said to the younger trio, that A gargoyle cannot stop protecting the castle as it cannot stop breathing the air (I think), in that same tangent an autist cannot stop being autistic in the manner we cannot stop breathing the air.

Neuro D's Anthem

I heard this song on the radio today, I tell you what...it's very fitting for the Neuro'D especially the chorus.


In other news...WAY TO GO PORTLAND....


Rock it! Don't Stop It!

Employment and the sociopolitics of having a neurological disablity or a mental illness.

One of the greatest strengths of being autistic is that we are a diverse people. It's also a huge downfall in the same hand. Because of this pelt-melt chaos that is the spectrum. It makes it hard to erect standard accomodations and thusly makes it hard for employers to employ autists.

From my experiance from being a formal diagnosised autist, I've noticed that having a formal diagnosis is vastly better than using one's personal bias as validation. Though I do advoid discussing self-dx because of my own personal issues, I've noticed that having some paperwork can be helpful when asking for accomodations but in the same tone. It's grossly haunting to have files in the NIMH, so the self-dx have that advantage.

Also the biggest issue when it comes to work, is that information on autism is so skewed that any proper training or education for employers and colluges is really subjective.

In another perspective, the mad-community has similar if not identical issues with the neurodevelopmentals. Having a mental illness and not a lot of education means more people with schizofrienia and bi-polar, addictions. borderline personality and more get shut out just as autists are. it seems those with physcial socially accepted disablities have a little more grace since there a pratical standards for accomadations. Whilst, the mad and the autistic community are so diverse so such predicable protocols are unheard of.

Now to change pace a bit, I've seen a good portion of the aut-comm, play the "Opression Olympics" when it comes to being marginlized and ignored by the neuroaccpeted population. We tend to hog the spot light a little and act like every bad press about a murderer with a mental problem is going to be accused of having an ASD. I had to lift my eyebrow a little and look to my friends with mental disorders. Especially my friend who is PTSD, Bi-polar and Schizo. And let me tell you guys, having the kind of disorder that is almost always associated with serial muderders and psychotics isn't as horrifying has having the "Rainman" stereotype. At least our disablity isn't a plot point for a villian.

In that same token I've seen autists play the "at least I am not like those people" game, to the members with MIs. Really? Do you want to sound hypocrital here? Apparently it's not ok for parents with Asperger children to disassociate from the indivuals that are on the "blue" or "purple" end of the spectrum as well as "red" autists to do the same thing. But fine for us to disassociate from other members who have alterly wired minds?

Such a pity, since many seriously empathize with autistics with sharing a simliar history of being seen as "weak" and "crazy" and "burdens". We should try not to shove them away or try to scoot from them, but reach out and communicate and create a bridge of empathy and respect. Many autists share dual diagnosises of MI and need the affirmtation that beimg different no matter how your mind is made, is ok. Also in that fashion, we should note that treament for there disorders is their choice not ours just as treatment for our autism is our choice and not the neurotypicals. We should respect the bi-polars and schziofriencs that can self-manage their pyschosis without medication just as we should respect those that need the seroquel or topamax.

We should reach out and help those who ask for it and support those that walk their paths with little help and with great courage. I admire my friend Jermemy or as I loving call him "the Fat-ass" (he calls me short-shit despite the name theses are private nicknames and have no perjorative meaning attach to them) he and I are both walking our live paths and want to be treated as human beings. I think we have that in common with they mad community and something that we should work together on.

Viral Meme and Now open for ranting

This blog is now ready for posting and blogging. Prism song@LJ will still have Tikaani fiction pieces and more personal-blogging. I hope to see more comments.

I'll have a full Podcast on the coming AutSpks Walk for Columbus, it's the weekend after this one. Checkout ASAN for more details. But for all the Ohio aspies and auties the walk is on the 12 at the Schotstein center in Columbus, the ASAN chapter for OSU will be by the 4H building near Borrow Dr. Spread this around and continue to reach out.

For fun, I have a little meme for everyone.




Kinda cute isn't it, well you can continue the fun by saving the other image and write your own PosAUTive message, spread Tikaani around and send a good message to everyone. I would love to see what you guys come up with.

Backup "Letter to Autspks and Counter act"

Dear Suzanne Wright,

 

There is a chance that this letter will be ignored or be responded with an automated message, but if you do read this letter I will introduce myself to you.

 

I write short stories, and paint with watercolors, I have paintings in art shows and I work at two different school centers. I travel around my home state and I am part of different activism groups. I am also twenty-two and asperger autistic.

 

I has come to my attention on your newest campaign and video, “I am Autism”, that the material in this show is very degrading and hurtful to autistic people. Many individuals from all over the spectrum has felt that this video continues the old mythos of the “stolen child” and that autistic people are hollow empty shells. This kind of message is dehumanizing the autistic community and parents who do not feel that their precious and unique child is a “burden” and that some anthropomorphic disorder has taken them and hell-bent to ruin their lives.

 

Being autistic has not been easy. I do not ignore the struggles I have had being asperger, society has been a vicious animal to me, and it hard to speak a language that I am not fluent in. It took me two years to find another job and I have yet to hold steady employment. I panic easily and suffer from meltdowns as any autist would. However, I try walk forward and live my life as I want to live it.

 

The message portrayed in your video seems to make the “normative” feel good and the “autist” dependant on them, as if they have no say on what treatments they need want or if they want treatment. I was given many kinds of pills and treatments, I was given no say on whether I want them or not. I took me years to foster the kind of independence I need to make the choices that benefit me.

 

Autistics have place in this world, we are the odd child in the classroom that makes a masterpiece in art class, we're the kid that solves math problems with ease, the child that adapts well online or the child that feels the endless freedom of music. We have hopes, dreams, loves and desires. Many of our voices are silenced by the countless voices of parents who care more for the lime-light of being the victim than their own child's feelings and thoughts.

 

In the end, every child on the spectrum, whether be a classic autist or an asperger one, is still a human being, but even your video seems to deny us that. You say we autists lack empathy and we need to understand how hard parents have it. I wish parents gain some empathy for us and see how hard it is for us to have some form of respect and dignity from our neuro-typ...no, neuroaccepted peers.

 

With Respect,

Noranne “The Bard” Cochran.

  Here is what Dee said.

Dear Anne,



The short film I Am Autism was created by two fathers of children with autism – Billy Mann, a Grammy-nominated songwriter, music producer and Autism Speaks board member, and Alfonso Cuarón, an Academy award-nominated film director. Set to a personal poem by Mr. Mann, the short film features home video footage voluntarily contributed by families around the world affected by autism. It is an intensely personal expression by these two fathers and their hope is that the piece inspires other voices and artists in the autism community.


: Autism Speaks believes that all individuals with autism and their families, regardless of their perspective or the nature of their disorder, should have the power to be heard.  No one perspective can ever be the definitive voice of autism. We encourage everyone in the autism community to acknowledge the myriad voices and have tolerance for the spectrum of opinions.

Anne, I would love to read your short stories, and see your watercolor painting.  Perhaps we would be able to have you take part of our “in their words” that we have up on our website.  We extend an invitation out to all that want to be heard on our platform.



Warmest regards,

Mrs. Wright



I am tempted to show my paints of my autistic boy Tikaani and maybe my writings. Do you know how should I respond to this? 

Dear Suzanne and Dee,

 

Thank you for responding to my letter with such speed. I appreciate the time you took to write back to me.

 

I have read your response and I am still processing it. Forgive me if my less than stellar communications cause a problem. I see that while you may have read my letter you haven't quite understood the point I was trying to make.

 

My point is that you video had very negative and hurtful portrayal of autistic people (ironically with video of autists being happy) and even though you state there are many voices of the autistic community, it seems that only the parents voices are actually heard and you make no effort to have our voices heard too.

 

Allow me to quote from Depeche Mode “Now I'm not looking for absolution. Forgiveness for the things I do, but before you come to any conclusions. Try walking in my shoes. Try walking in my shoes.”

 

How many of your chair-board have actually seen the world though our eyes and actually try to empathize with us? You empathize with the parents, the fact you picked to academy winning fathers is proof, but will you show a film of an adult autist, happy with who he is, and given the acknowledgment and affirmation that being autistic is ok and who he is? Or what about a film of a parent raising her child and teaching her how to self-advocate and loves her child despite her autism? Or will that turn away the grants you need?

 

I looked at “In Their Words” and it's written in the voice of the parent not the autist, I would like to participate but I am afraid your editors and PR folks wouldn't like the stories of self-determination and will power of an autistic adult, who will not be cured or changed by outside pressures.

 

I will of course show selections of works I have written about my autistic character of mine and paintings I have done. Perhaps it will be proof that we do think abstractly and show imagination.

 

With pride

Noranne “The Bard” Cochran.

I also sent them one my written pieces of Tikaani (which I will show here) and a link to my art blog.  

Backup "Dehumanizing is all the rage"

(Opening fiction with Tikaani)

Hanai tried to get Tikaani to stop crying and screaming. His face screwed up with a look of desperate fear and worry. The stares of his people go ignored as has pulled his long black hair. Hanai also ignored the whisperes and stares of others, too concerned with getting Tikaani to process the information that was overwhelming him. He pointed a suede covered mitten at the large animal in front of him. He made another shriek and waved his hands as if to push the buffaloyak away. The rider on top scolded him and berated Hanai. After all the frustration from both Tikaani's meltdown and the rider on top, Hanai shouted.
"Just move along! He is terrified of buffaloyaks! He is telling you to leave!"

Hanai watched as the rider blinked back suddenly and rode off. Once Tikaani saw that he was gone, the six year old water tribeboy calmed down finally, humming and flapping his hands. Hanai picked him up and carried him thinking.

No body listens to those who don't speak their language.

The opening fiction depicts the ever common "autie-meltdown", Hanai tries to get her nephew to calm down but he can't as his phobia is staring him in his face. When the buffaloyak leaves Tikaani finally settles. But Hanai wonders why the man riding on him doesn't leave him alone...

It the old condrum of us being able to have something to say or communicate and no one bothers to listen to it. Autism Speaks of course in their wave of ignorant glory, flavored with NYC Ransom notes styled ominous voice over, they put this as their new inspirational video. It inspiries of course parents and teachers and non-autists who are meer observers and infuriates the autists themselves as they roll their eyes and as Kel Mitchelle once said "Awww here it goes!"

This is of course is just ANOTHER underhanded self-serving tactic of AutSpks. Dehumanization is rampant among groups like "Generation Rescue" and "Defeat Autism Now". They keep separtating the autism from the indiviual and that is not how it works. I am speaking only for myself, but many others share the seditment. This sort of mentality is why many autistic children perish in acts of desperation and matyrism. Parents are put on this stage of pity and victimization and autistic children become some sort of scapegoat for unhappy parents that realize that they child they want is not the one they got.

They last bit of the video of course is all for the parents as they gather around the autistic child acting that they will do anything to help they child, like crushing their identity and molding them into something that they are not. Everyone else knows that AutSpks is for NTs not for Autism, the real voice of autism isn't the self-loving parents hogging the lime light whist their autistic child struggles all through their childhood then drown in a sea of lowered expecations and a society hell-bent on turning a "llama" into a "sheep." And if they autist is lucky, he might find happiness and peace with someone or with what makes him happy if not he or she might turn into a bitter misanthropic indiviual that prefers the soliditute of his basement.

Autism rights isn't about glorfying autism. It's about letting our words be heard so we can make our own choices. NT's don't have a say on what we need, we do. And it's about time someone hears that.

Bard.

Back Up "Role play and Ableism"

For those that don't know Tikaani is the mascot of the blog, he's my autistic by from the Avatar the Last Airbender setting. He's a fan character of mind and I like to Role Play with him. I am in a forum as a mod for one game when I got this...here is the letter and my responses.

Mainly it is about your character, and some of the things you have put up in your avatar and signature. I have talked to people, and they feel that having a autistic character may disturb kids that may join, plus it seems almost as if you are making fun of them. This concerns me. Others say that your profile is not appropriate for Avatar: The Last Airbender, that it almost seems like it is from an old Indian movie, and that your character is making fun of the water tribe.

Please note that all of these concerns were not brought up by me.

*eyebrow lift* I am assuming this is Tenisho who brought this up. He still is pretty butthurt I see. He use to be on TARP (another Fourm game) he wanted to play with Tikaani and then chicken out.

I have talked to people, and they feel that having a autistic character may disturb kids that may join

How would an autist disturb kids or players rather? If they have questions I can educate them. I am not disturbing at least I don't think so. Fear is the absence of knowledge, hate is it's progeny. If kids have problems with Tikaani I will be more than happy to help with them. I have been having the oppisit problem. A lot of kids adore Tikaani and find him fun to play with, I get some complements from people and I have fan art of him. I had one indivual that didn't know any thing about autism until she played with Tikaani.

As an aspeger autist myself I don't know how I would "disturb" people. I do a lot of actism for disablity rights. http://prismsong.livejournal.com/ Feel free to read some of my essays.

plus it seems almost as if you are making fun of them. This concerns me. Others say that your profile is not appropriate for Avatar: The Last Airbender, that it almost seems like it is from an old Indian movie, and that your character is making fun of the water tribe<

How so? I try not to take my disablity so seriously. I am allowed to poke fun at it once in a while. I don't understand how an EB Yeats poem and my "Mad-autie"(see icon in this post) icon is "making fun". Also I don't understand how is my profile "inappropriate" for Avatar? I've squeezed him into many games. He was part of a murder mystery in the first board he deputed in. I have to say that it's pretty Ableist to assume he won't be "appropriate" for Avatar. I would like to have someone teach him how to read, or maybe be in a drumming competion. There is also the idea of him using his "voice recording" talent too.

How is it I am making fun of the watertribe. If you mean Tikaani's parents? Well if you look up ancient cults around the world, they did that to many disabled children. Children with Down Syndrome, Autism, Cerebral Palsy, birth defects were often killed or left alone to die. The story of the changling is based on those children (Which is the archtype for Tikaani) He was adopted by his aunt I don't see how that making fun of the water tribe. Kinda brings home how adaptive watertribe is.

To conclude,
You need give me more spefic issues. I am not breaking any rules or hurting other players. I don't know what you want from me. Maybe just an explination. I don't know.

Unless you want me to remove Tikaani from the game and allowing ignorance and ableism to floursh, then I will do that. Eventhough I will feel unwanted as an autist myself and feel that it's good way to minoritize issues like cognitively disabled characters in Role Play.

It's a damn shame.

If you would like I am on AIM
SoloBWolf if you like to discuss the issue.

Bard.


I feel kinda heartbroken and angry at this. But she is so young and NT so I don't know what I fault her on. If I have to leave the boards because of I would be very disappointed. 

ETA: the admin wrote this

I actually just wanted an explanation, so I will thank you for that. It was not Tenshio that complained however. But I will say, that I am not actually expressing any of my issues, for I really had none, other than the word bullshit in your avatar. That was my only issue. Your signature was fine except for the "Always up for one on one action on AIM", people may take that the wrong way. I don't care if you say, Always up for talking on AIM, but yeah... 

I have no issues with your profile. If I had, I wouldnt have accepted it, so I will talk to the people that were complaining.

I actually wouldn't mind RPing with Tikaani once I have an older character. Like I said, I really didn't have an issue with the character, it was other people that did.

Apparently I am responsible for people having their heads in the gutter.

Backup "Goldilocks Effect"

Years ago I couldn't help but recive stares from my people as I took Tikaani to the market place. The sounds and smells and sights all overwhelm my nephew and often topples into these horrific meltdowns in which My husband picks him up and carries him home. I often hear many of the fisher-wives say that 'maybe I should get a healer to exorcise Tikaani, some think I am raising a water spirit and it was cursing my house. Others, pitied Tikaani and believe that one day he would be shipped off into the Earth Kingdom to be in a inisitution where he would be safe from scrutiny. Of course, it isn't he who recieves the most judgement. It's me. I've have learned that explaining yourself to other parents who do not raise children with impairments is ridiculous. They will not hear and often rationalize that they are not judging me and that they know better. I have raise two sons and a daughter and I am often their senior. How dare they!

However some parents often give good advice, one is with Pua, a woman healer who has a deaf daughter Kaleuu. She cannot talk but she she communicates though pictures. She understood that Tikaani wasn't cursed but had some mental disability. She told me that communication is more important than anything. I needed to have Tikaani find way to communicate to me what he needed. I used the hand language that she taught Kaleuu, he learned a few gestures and I thought in time he would be relying on the hand-language until he said his first words. Pua was elated as well and encourage me to expand his vocubulary. But as soon as he gain the ablility to speak, I lost my "kid is disabled card' now parents were giving me all sorts of dirty looks. I realized that there was no way to win this. Either he is too disabled and I should toss him or he isn't disabled enough and I should spank him.

Good TUI! My people are so frustrating...

Hanai opens up with important observation, either you are two disabled to get it or not disabled enough. I call this the "Goldilocks Rebuttle" Cure-parents often throw this up to Purple autists for ND and Red autists as well. It's pretty common that they make this statement to avoid conversing with autists that have an opinion on certain perspectives such as medication and therapy, but often, we are denied to speak it. I hear it often from real life. I wrote another rant about this about few years ago, which I'll open and link to everyone here. 

I hear this a lot from NTs in real life too. It's somehow a default response to every time I say "oh btw I am AS =D" some times they catch me will the 'mask' off and people realize that my normalcy is an illusion. All of it is a well constructed social lie. I am not normal I am autistic. And once people get that through their heads will make things easier to explain. 

No I also had the other side of the rebuttle, 'You're autistic you won't understand' part too. I also get this in RL and online a lot too. In one rant I did in Asperger, I had one of my editors rationalize that because I was asperger, I didn't understand metaphores hence my reaction to his crappy one. No it was crappy, stop using my DX to analyze me. It doesn't work like that. When I get meltdowns and people are there witnessing it they often feel like it's their job to scold me 'tell us what to do when this happens' or 'warn us next t time' HEY I would like a warning too the next time my brain has a memory dump and blue screens. My mother thinks that my panic attacks (what we called my meltdowns at that time) could have been prevent and talked to my step-dad about sending me to a group home. 

You can never win. Either you are not autistic like so and so's little brat so all your point are null (next time someone says that I want to record one of my meltdowns and post it online so people can have some damn proof) or your too autistic and you don't get it at all because your poor little autie brain can't process it.

You know what? Fuck you. Also to put on tangent. Self-Dx aspies=/= all aspies. 

Anyway tomarrow I will have a v-cast ready.