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Friday, October 2, 2009

Backup "Goldilocks Effect"

Years ago I couldn't help but recive stares from my people as I took Tikaani to the market place. The sounds and smells and sights all overwhelm my nephew and often topples into these horrific meltdowns in which My husband picks him up and carries him home. I often hear many of the fisher-wives say that 'maybe I should get a healer to exorcise Tikaani, some think I am raising a water spirit and it was cursing my house. Others, pitied Tikaani and believe that one day he would be shipped off into the Earth Kingdom to be in a inisitution where he would be safe from scrutiny. Of course, it isn't he who recieves the most judgement. It's me. I've have learned that explaining yourself to other parents who do not raise children with impairments is ridiculous. They will not hear and often rationalize that they are not judging me and that they know better. I have raise two sons and a daughter and I am often their senior. How dare they!

However some parents often give good advice, one is with Pua, a woman healer who has a deaf daughter Kaleuu. She cannot talk but she she communicates though pictures. She understood that Tikaani wasn't cursed but had some mental disability. She told me that communication is more important than anything. I needed to have Tikaani find way to communicate to me what he needed. I used the hand language that she taught Kaleuu, he learned a few gestures and I thought in time he would be relying on the hand-language until he said his first words. Pua was elated as well and encourage me to expand his vocubulary. But as soon as he gain the ablility to speak, I lost my "kid is disabled card' now parents were giving me all sorts of dirty looks. I realized that there was no way to win this. Either he is too disabled and I should toss him or he isn't disabled enough and I should spank him.

Good TUI! My people are so frustrating...

Hanai opens up with important observation, either you are two disabled to get it or not disabled enough. I call this the "Goldilocks Rebuttle" Cure-parents often throw this up to Purple autists for ND and Red autists as well. It's pretty common that they make this statement to avoid conversing with autists that have an opinion on certain perspectives such as medication and therapy, but often, we are denied to speak it. I hear it often from real life. I wrote another rant about this about few years ago, which I'll open and link to everyone here. 

I hear this a lot from NTs in real life too. It's somehow a default response to every time I say "oh btw I am AS =D" some times they catch me will the 'mask' off and people realize that my normalcy is an illusion. All of it is a well constructed social lie. I am not normal I am autistic. And once people get that through their heads will make things easier to explain. 

No I also had the other side of the rebuttle, 'You're autistic you won't understand' part too. I also get this in RL and online a lot too. In one rant I did in Asperger, I had one of my editors rationalize that because I was asperger, I didn't understand metaphores hence my reaction to his crappy one. No it was crappy, stop using my DX to analyze me. It doesn't work like that. When I get meltdowns and people are there witnessing it they often feel like it's their job to scold me 'tell us what to do when this happens' or 'warn us next t time' HEY I would like a warning too the next time my brain has a memory dump and blue screens. My mother thinks that my panic attacks (what we called my meltdowns at that time) could have been prevent and talked to my step-dad about sending me to a group home. 

You can never win. Either you are not autistic like so and so's little brat so all your point are null (next time someone says that I want to record one of my meltdowns and post it online so people can have some damn proof) or your too autistic and you don't get it at all because your poor little autie brain can't process it.

You know what? Fuck you. Also to put on tangent. Self-Dx aspies=/= all aspies. 

Anyway tomarrow I will have a v-cast ready. 

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