I still need to work on my outline for Multiple Perspectives, the art of the being a procrastinator is in full swing, but as of late I have been thinking about something that hasn't been sitting well with me.
Why do I feel a divide in my own job?
Not like a huge divide but a weird feeling that I am not really staff, maybe it's because I am part time or maybe because I don't have a "teacher aura". Whatever the case is I can't help but feel sorta...awkward. I like talking and chatting with my co-workers but in some ways I feel that any friendships I make are kinda work only and will end there. Even worse, I feel so mascot-y around my co-workers. Like 'aww lookit you go! Yer so cute and inspirational!' I remember when I was new and interesting for the co-workers. I was the cute punky looking aspie girl...now I am just the aspie girl. I have gotten praise for my work like recently when a kid spilled milk in his bag, I offered to take it and wash it out for them. It was no big deal after all it's my job, apparently it enough to warrant a 'shout-out' on the message board in the teachers lounge. Which is where teachers post messages for fellow staff when they when up and beyond their duties..
How does being responsible equal being up and beyond and why does the well intention praise just feel so...fake to me?
Now the Gala is coming up. It's to raise money for the school. While most autists will pass on the opportunity, thinking that Saturday meltdowns are not a good idea. I want to go. Not because I want to socialize, but actually be considered equal to my peers for once. To be on their level...because some days I don't feel like I am.
On the other hand Voltaire is playing at Outlands that same night...Enoch is playing on taking me. One has better outcome at the end of the night.
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