Ok kiddies it's another NSFC/W post on sex. Those under 18 are not permitted to read.
So I wrote a post back in October about sex and orgasm. This is also about sex but a short post on the idealism that sex is more that just male-centric that it's also able-centric. The idea of disabled adults with amputations, deafness or some sort of mental illness having sex is considered dirty or even fetishistic. I have been around enough "hentai" and "yaoi" groups to notice that there is such thing as an amputation fetish. Is it wrong? No it's not wrong to have a fetish but to treat those people as a just a kink and not 'people' is.
What is even more disturbing is the social belief that those with developmental delays are unsexual beings and live in perpetual childlike innocence. That they will never understand sex and it is fruitless to have a conversation about sex to them. Of course many will figure it out on their own and sometimes in the worse sort of ways. Parents are also disgusted at the thought of their sons or daughters masturbating and will try to correct this 'deviant' behavior. Never mind the fact that if a typical teen masturbates, most parents will do is roll their eyes and shut the door. Yes masturbation is stigmatized for all neurotypes but it seems that those with atypical neurologies get punished for it more than those with neurologies that are accepted.
This infantilizting of people with DD including autists is very detrimental and continued to assert the ablelism that only healthy normal people enjoy and have sex. Autistic people having sex is gross, severally autistic people interested and even having sex themselves is wrong and bad. It's continuing to enforce sexual ignorance among my social group and continuing the schism between between typical and atypical. It also suggests the idea that, autistic people and DD people...can't consent to sex. Therefore it's wrong.
I find this troubling in many levels.
Media doesn't resolve this problem. Picoult's book House Rules has Jacob Hunt being asexual and even aromantic (which is another believe that HFA autistics have no idea of romantic love let alone severe autists) Jacob admits that he might have love Jess however. I feel that was just shoving the dagger a bit deeper really and into an Adam-esq feeling of: "You may love the girl but you'll never have her". Elizabeth Moon, did this too but she made Lou a sexual being. Lou narrates in "Speed of Dark" that he wants to take his love interest out and even make love to her. This defiantly suggests that Lou enjoys and wants sex (I have feeling though that Moon made him a virgin).
The idea that sex between two consenting atypical adults should be normalize. Is one that many people can't seen to fathom. Mostly because consent seems to be a "normal" thing. Autistic and DD people can't consent.
We should abolish this, sex is a choice. A choice that all people should have and not be judge for it. Autists should have the right have sex, or not have sex. Not every autist is asexual.
Good post-well said. Sex is (to me) a really weird subject to teach my kids..one of them is getting old enough now to ask questions. We try to be as honest as possible. I think the most important thing I can teach them is to respect themselves and respect their partners-and to realize that people have lots of different ways to express themselves sexually-that as long as they are consenting it is no ones place to judge.
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