As August creeps up behind me, I sit on the couch of my SO (Josh) and I try to think about what to write on my blog. I don't get many commenters anymore, maybe I am getting too militant, or not "parent friendly" anymore. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter if I get nods of agreement or side-glaces of disagreement. Maybe words need to be said at least. I don't know.
Relationship are hyper-complex things. Things that take time and energy to grow and cultivate. Much like the garden back at home (I have Roma tomatoes the size of my fist now), it's a long and tasking process and one that feels that there is very little reward. I think this is what this post is really about. Slow mornings and nights were everyone is awake.
For those that don't actually know. I am courting a young man, Josh and have been courting (note this man started busting out laughing when I use that word) for about three months. Our relationship has been a tentative leap into the unknown. For me it's a chance to "get back on the saddle" for him it's about being in something foreign. Over all it's been an interesting adventure in a relationship with aspies.
We both have AS, my symptoms are more obvious and harder to manage, his on the other hand are not as obvious and he can manage them much easier than I can. Because of this it makes communication a bit....interesting.
Him: *says something vague*
Me: *misunderstands gets upset*
Him: *reiterates confuse*
Me: *gets more angry*
Him: *explains makes a little more sense*
Me: *catches it and apologizes*
Him: *says sorry too clears up misunderstanding*
This doesn't always happen but we tend to have some communication bumps and some things get lost in translation. It happens because I misread something and he does too so signals get cross. However we seem to connect better than any of my last suitors. I don't feel guilty for misunderstanding. Problems are solved and forgot life goes on. Maybe it's because it's my fifth relationship and his first (man 26 btw he was not ready to court folks until now) that we're getting along so well. Maybe it's because we're both aspies.
I think this is the part where I get to the point of the matter. Many aspies assume that relationships with other aspies is easier that NT/Autie relationships and to some degree. Yes. It's easier to relate to someone that shares your perspective a bit. Someone that can get your quirks better. But discounting an NT suitor because he is "NT" and because the relationship would be harder is just as bad for NT to say a relationship with an autist is "too hard".
Perhaps I am counting my chickens before they hatch here. But, for the first time, I don't feel like I have to play mind-games with my spouse to understand him. Or apologize for being aspie.
Which seems to be what it comes down too in NT/Aspie relationships.