Unspoken

Language is so incredibly complex. It's a true testament to the highly social society that humanity is. Yet we tend to be so narrow-sided when it comes to language and what constitutes as such. We put things in boxes, and over analyze and structure things that don't have a structure.

This is a continuation of old essay called "speaking in Drakk", of course this is playing off the same metaphor of speaking in a complex language that is hard to understand like the fantastic language of drakk. Not all things are spoken, not all things are easily perceived. Not all things are clearly read. Which is why I am writing this, like drakk, the expression of love is not always obvious. Humans don't read gentle grinding of horns or foreheads like a kiss. Nor do they understand why drakkhani would rub their tails against another, or why eye contact is an intimate act. This is flies over their heads, but for a drakkhani it's obvious what those gestures mean. For autists, it's also obvious what certain gestures mean.

Each autists expresses love in unique fashions. Individual to the person expression affection. Some will say "I love you" others will show it and like in drakk, sometimes it's hard to understand it.

I use affection in the same way a dog might roll over on it's back. It's not out of love sometimes it's out of fear. I am afraid of being abandoned or yelled at, so I shower my dad with kisses or hugs and "I love yous" it's not out of tenderness but submission. I just want to make sure, dad isn't mad at me. It's childish, but it's an act that I can't shake. With my boyfriend, I grind my head against his, I squeeze his hand. I growl softly. Most of my more genuine acts are unusual from the traditional displays of affection. Yes I kiss, but french kissing isn't a favorite of mine, I like rubbing against him and being tickled. Those to me are the most intimate of acts next to making love. I also know when he says I love you, when leans on me. When he kisses the top of my head. It gets to the point when he kisses my cheek I say. "I love you too."

I just know and autistic kids know to and despite not showing it in the typical fashion. They do show genuine love. Like drakk, it's hard to read the first time around.