Tikaani

Tikaani
The mascot of Prism*Song

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I'm just gonna say it

I am not special. I am not a unique or precious. I am autistic, but having a fraking disorder doesn't make me 'special' or 'wonderful' I have days where I wish to be cured. I really do. I don't say that often because of individuals who are too busy worshiping themselves and saying stuff like that isn't kosher.

But seriously. I hate being autistic somedays. I wish I wasn't, and I am sick to death of people glorifying it.

I work hard for disability rights, so people like us can find the things we need to survive. Not for the little shits to sit upon and preen themselves and go on about how awesome we are.

Fuck you.

4 comments:

  1. I'm going to sound all "Pollyanna" on you..but my kids are special unique wonderful-cause they are my kids.I want them to love who they are. I don't glorify them because of autism..however, autism is something in part that makes them who they are.
    I think that sometimes people pick a part of themselves to glorify-because it makes them feel unique and special-because they don't see anything else about themselves to like.

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  2. I think that sometimes people pick a part of themselves to glorify-because it makes them feel unique and special-because they don't see anything else about themselves to like.

    That is actually quite pathetic really =/.

    but my kids are special unique wonderful-cause they are my kids.I want them to love who they are. I don't glorify them because of autism..however, autism is something in part that makes them who they are.

    So are many other things. I am pagan, bigender, a shaman, hiker, pansexual, into kink, pro-home birth, educator, of Celtic ancestry. There are so many things that I see, I try not to focus on one part but the whole. While some days I am proud on being Autistic, it's not something I turn into a wonderful-awesome gift that only select few have. It's on the same page as say me being bio-female or having bad eye-sight. It's part of me, I can't change it.

    But it's nothing amazing. Which is the whole point. I don't have aspie talent, I don't see it as something wonderful. But that doesn't mean I pretend it's evil. It can be an obstacle. But so can being a woman somedays, gods know they are days I wish to have no gender at all.

    I hate myself somedays. Basiclly what it comes down to. I hate the fact that the man I knew for nine years doesn't want me anymore and I'll be on SSI for the rest of my life. And I can't help but think about what ifs.

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  3. Most people have days where they hate themselves, hate what's happening in their lives. Most people get in a funk and want to lash out, and it's understandable.

    I'm sorry you're feeling that way right now.

    (so where are these folks who are glorifying the challenges and obstacles?)

    You're unique and you're special because of your totality. You're important and you matter because you are you. I hope you have someone in your life who cares about you unconditionally, accepts you unconditionally.

    I know that can sound trite, but it isn't intended that way. When you're having a bad day, you can come vent to me if you want, and I'll listen (wombles@sbcglobal.net).

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  4. (so where are these folks who are glorifying the challenges and obstacles?)

    It's was more of a hyperbole but I see lot of blogs with autists many of them don't write about how depressing it can be being autistic sometimes they seem to avoid being negative about it.

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