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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Making Choices and the illusion of control

As people we like making decisions. We like making choices. It's the illusion of control. We don't have much control over lives so we like it when we have the barest grasps of it.

As an autist. I am somewhat immune from the his illusion because I never had the illusion as NTs do. NTs have control over conversations because they know how to have them. I don't I just follow the motions. They can pick their jobs and their cars. I can't, because being employed is miracle and I can't drive. Even the spouse I picked is out of my hands. Some of us are graceful without having control others like some of the students who have meltdowns because they don't get have the choices they made, are not at all.

Hence the two different camps. Some want cure because they crave the very illusion of control. Some don't because they know there is no such thing as control.

We have little control over our lives and the consequences of said choice. If you believe you're kid is "vaccine damaged" then find some serenity and deal with it. Because you can't fix it. Just as I can't fix the dire fact my husband is leaving with me and going to have to stay with my alcoholic father.



  1. Hi there!

    Interesting post RE: control. I'm the sort of person who tries to control situations as much as possible to prevent myself from having a meltdown -- like, if I know the order of a meeting or class, for instance, I'm more likely to be OK than if I don't. I suppose this is a different example than the sorts of control you describe, though (like destiny and cure). The control I'm thinking about has to do with structure and routine and predictability. If I don't have structure and routine, I'm totally and utterly lost and I mentally shut down.

    Did you happen to get the emails I sent you, by any chance? (About job and living situations?) I only ask because I know at one point you were having email troubles.

  2. I got your e-mail I am just so busy I'll explain more tomorrow at ASAN

    I think I was being allegorical, but you do bring up a good point.

  3. (((big hugs))) just because who can't use warm fuzzy feelings. You have such wisdom; people crave the feeling of control, some more than others. I always picture and often feel like Shiva as Nataranja, one foot in the air, precariously balancing the weight of everthing. It is oddly reassuring. If it looks like a real crap shoot for a god, then what chance do mere mortals have? :-)

  4. Funny how you mention Lord Shiva. Since tomarrow after my ASAN meeting I am heading to the Krishna House.

    I think some days Shiva turns to his wife Sita and says "Ah fuck this! I'll try again next life"

    Life will always be a precarious dance upon the world. Being autistic is a precarious dance in itself.